Big Sexy Chat Podcast
Big Sexy Chat: 2 Rad Fatties Unapologetically Sitting Around Chewing the Fat!
Current Events, Hot Topics, Viewer Questions, and Vibe of the Week. Fat Politics, TV Shows with fat characters, ditching diet culture, #sexnotdiets, sex, sex toys, relationships, mental wellness, sex toy reviews, cannabis, cbd, medical fatphobia, glorifying fat bodies, movies, current events, hot topics, fashion, lingerie, Black Lives Matter, and pretty much anything under the big fat sun! Email: bigsexychatpod@gmail.com
Big Sexy Chat Podcast
Squirt Talk: Female Ejaculation Demystified with Kim Airs, Sex Industry Icon
Ever wondered about the hidden secrets of female ejaculation? Join us on Big Sexy Chat as we welcome the passionate and knowledgeable Kim Airs, who takes us on a journey from her mundane marriage to becoming a sex industry veteran. Kim shares her captivating experiences from the late '80s involving public sex, sex toys, and porn, leading to the opening of her own store, Grand Opening. Discover her adventures in California and her extensive work with major sex toy manufacturers, all while riding her motorcycle and living out her dreams.
Unlock the mysteries of the G-Spot with our detailed instructions and hand demonstrations guided by Kim herself. Learn how to find and stimulate the G-Spot for an enhanced sexual experience and understand the role of the paraurethral sponge in sexual health. Kim's insights into recognizing the sensations associated with G-Spot stimulation will help you embrace and enjoy these experiences fully, making this episode perfect for anyone eager to deepen their understanding of sexual pleasure.
Get ready for a mix of humor and enlightenment as we delve into personal anecdotes and misconceptions about female ejaculation. From funny incidents with medical professionals to stories of mailing panties to a boss, this episode is packed with laughter and education. We also explore the evolution of sex toy design, the impact of women in the industry, and tips for selecting the best toys for different body types. Tune in for an episode that's as entertaining as it is informative, all infused with Kim’s infectious enthusiasm and expert knowledge.
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Chrystal also sells sex toys via her website BlissConnection.com and you can use the code BSC20 for 20% off.
Big thanks to our Sponsor Liberator Bedroom Adventures. We ADORE the products from Liberator. And, to be clear, we all loved their products even before they became a sponsor!
On this episode of Big.
Speaker 2:Sexy Chat. Crystal and Murph are joined by sex industry veteran badass Kim Ayers, and they're dishing the juice all about female ejaculation Without further ado.
Speaker 3:Hi, welcome to Big Sexy Chat. I'm Crystal, I'm Murph. We're just two rad fatties sitting around chewing the fat Twice a month.
Speaker 3:We'll be chatting about current events hot topics sex, sex toys, fat politics, fat community, cannabis, CBD, you name it. We're going to talk about it. We are very excited to have you a part of our community. Welcome and enjoy. Talk about it. We are very excited to have you a part of our community. Welcome and enjoy. Hey, welcome back to Big Sexy Chat. My name is Crystal and I'm here with my lovely co-host, Murph Hi, Murph Hi. So I'm so excited to have Kim Ayers with us today. We have y'all. We have some sex toy, sex toy, party, slash, sex education royalty with us today. We're so excited to have you. Welcome, Kim Ayers.
Speaker 1:Thank you so much. I'm so happy to be here. Anytime I can talk about sex and get the word out there, it's a good day.
Speaker 3:Awesome. Tell everybody a little bit about you and your. Tell us about your history.
Speaker 1:We want to hear the dirty good stuff.
Speaker 1:It's really good, let me tell you. So, basically, married seven and a half years. Boring, I mean. He was nice and everything, but just kind of didn't want to be adventurous. So I got divorced in 1987. I met somebody I call the smut hound who turned me on to all the sex stuff which I had always had an interest in. But when you're married to somebody who's boring, it kind of only goes one way. So he turned me on to every public sex sex toys, strip joints, porn stars and porn. So this was 87. So everybody mark your calendars. That was way before the internet. So we hung out whatever fuck buddies for a long time.
Speaker 1:And then, um, in 1992, I was inspired, actually at a G-Spot workshop, to open my own store. So in November 93, I left my job at Harvard to sell rubber dicks to girls and opened a store in Brookline, massachusetts called Grand Opening. Get it. People are like you still have your signs up. I'm like that's the name of the store. So I opened November 93 and no turning back after that. So I sold it in December 05 because owning a business is a lot of responsibility and my MO on the planet was just to teach about sex and all that instead of like worrying about payroll and insurance and all those other things that you have to deal with on a business Taxes, just all that.
Speaker 1:So basically, I sold the store and then I moved out to California in 06, because, like I say, I have an addiction I have to deal with and it's called motorcycle riding. So I'm a pretty hardcore motorcycle rider so I can ride all year round here. Yay. Instead I'm in Boston when it's only five months season.
Speaker 1:So, being the center of the universe for sex toy land here in the U? S, the Los Angeles area, had a lot of opportunities and continues to do so. So I started working for several major manufacturers in my time and let's see Prime, dream Products, topco, small companies, big companies, home party companies, brand manager and just a lubricant company and a whole bunch. So I continue to do this work in the business. I do a lot of product consulting. So if somebody's like, oh, I've got an idea for a product, I'm like the go-to person to talk to about that, because I've been, I have experience in all aspects of a sex toy, of just like the life of a sex toy, like manufacturing, bringing it in from China, which is where majority of them are made and just the whole, like I say, lifespan of a sex toy, what to do to recycle it and everything.
Speaker 1:so yeah, so no, there's a whole lot. I absolutely love it. I'm as crazy passionate today as I ever have been about it. I always say there's never a dull moment in the sex world.
Speaker 3:Your enthusiasm definitely comes through the screen.
Speaker 1:It's so amazing. I get people that ask me questions. They're like oh, I have a question for you. You've probably heard it before and I go yeah, but not from you, so it's a new question. Sure, that fascinates me. I walk the walk and talk the talk. I've done sex work. I'm pro dom, just product reviewing. I write tons of reviews. The sex toy pleasure product person for adult video news, ABN, which has been around for quite a while, and I've got tons of reviews experts I've been reviewing stuff for over well over a decade with them too, and but I'm just going to be doing ABN now and I will be doing a ton of work for the big January show in Las Vegas.
Speaker 2:We're the granddaddy of them all.
Speaker 1:So that's all my department. I'm pretty excited about it. I've been doing it for the past couple of years, but even more so now.
Speaker 3:I think it's funny how that show overlaps a little bit with all the engineers coming to town, the CES people, which I'm here in Silicon Valley where all the nerds live, and it's so funny to see that end of one and the beginning of another. But there's definitely a little overlap.
Speaker 1:Right, right, right. Yeah, I can go into all about the history of that too, which is pretty fascinating. It started when VHS it's in Las Vegas, when VHSs came out, so that was like 84, I think it was and so that really really significantly changed the way you could watch porn or you didn't have to go to a theater anymore. So the people I think it was Sony, betamax who said, hey, let's invite the porno people because they're going to be our major consumers so that became a huge segment of the show, so much that it almost overran CES, because if you had a CES badge, you could easily get into the adult section, where, of course, everybody wanted to go.
Speaker 1:And then in 1999, I think it was um Paul Fishbein, who owned AVN at the time, said hey, I can do my own show and have all those people come to it. So that's how that started, the AVN, uh, which is adult entertainment expo. Uh, that's when that started. So it's been going on its own for quite a while and it's been going parallel, and not parallel with the CES show, so it's always in January because it has to be. That's when everybody knows what it is. And so, like you said, sometimes it's overlapped, like last year it overlapped, or the year before, I don't know. It kind of blurs when you've been going since 1997, the show kind of blurs into each other, that's for sure.
Speaker 3:I want to say two things real quick. First of all, everybody in the world needs to give a big, huge thank you to the adult industry, because they are we are the reason why the internet is where it is today, in 2024. Porn people, the adult toy people they've always been on the cutting edge and we have all of them to thank for bringing us to where we are now, because everybody wants to deliver video fast to all the people. We know there's a million customers for porn and it's because of them that we all need to say thank you so much for doing all the hard work in the very beginning, absolutely, and yet we still get political on how dicey it is, oh yeah, and then Project 2025 wants to.
Speaker 1:It's so scary Well there's already Festus Sosta, which is also you know which is beautiful.
Speaker 1:You can advertise any services that have anything to do with sex. Nor, on a lot of platforms, can you advertise anything like a sex toy. On a lot of platforms can you advertise anything like a sex toy. But if it's something that helps men with erectile dysfunction, it's all over social media. But God forbid you promote anything that supports women's sexuality. Why? Because we are powerful. I do so many classes and tell these women I go, we topple governments with what we have between our legs and you seem kind of like what? And then when you start thinking about it, it's like yeah, that's how much power we have and that's the reason why they want to keep us down, because we're really powerful.
Speaker 3:I just had my boobs smashed. I had a mammogram and the tech and I were talking about. Can you imagine if men had to put their balls in a vice like this? Oh my God, there'd be so many other options besides getting your boobs squished.
Speaker 3:Of course, the penis and the balls are so important, but before we get going into G-spot and female ejaculation because that's the topic of today's podcast, I think it makes sense to give Deb Sundahl some love. I know she's passed, but she used to be an amazing teacher of the G-spot and female ejaculation and she even came to my store a couple of times and taught a class and she's the goddess amazing woman who was really. She was very passionate about making sure women knew all about their genitalia. I remember she just had this great video this woman named Elaine in Reno, whose G-spot was very close to opening her vagina. I remember she just had this great video, this woman named Elaine in Reno, whose G-spot was very close to opening her vagina, and so when they had it on the video, you could actually see the G-spot and everything working together. It was beautiful. And anyway, all the love to Deb Sundahl.
Speaker 1:Well, funny. You should bring her up because when I got turned on to all the sex stuff again before the internet, there was a magazine on our backs that came out of San Francisco and it was called Entertainment for the Adventurous Lesbian and it really showed real. I put that in quotes because, like real lesbians, I'm like how do you define that? But anyway. So it was basically like butch fam and butches and stuff being sexual and it was a smut magazine and it was basically like Butch Fam and Butches and stuff being sexual and it was a smut magazine and it was totally awesome. She was one of the editors, along with Honey Lee Cottrell, susie Bright was in there and Nan Kinney. So my lesbian friends turned me on to that magazine and I'm like, oh my God, I love this magazine, I want to write for them. So while I was working at Harvard University I was writing for Honor Backs Magazine.
Speaker 1:So Deb Sundahl went as Fanny Fatale as the editor. Well, she came out with the video how to Female Ejaculate back in 1992 on VHS and then she was doing some touring around the country to promote the video and do workshops. So she was in Boston. This was around Columbus Day weekend. She was in Boston and there were two feminist bookstores in Boston and she wanted to present there. Well, guess what? Neither one wanted her to present because it was a woman talking about sex and they couldn't deal with it. So she presented at the gay men's bookstore called Glad Day. Well, the next night she was presenting at Del Williams apartment in New York City. Del Williams is the founder of Eve's Garden, the first female friendly sex tour store that opened up in 1972. So she was presenting there with a hands-on workshop. So I went to that while I was driving down to New Jersey to visit family over the weekend. So I went and it was a hands-on workshop and then it gave me a moment to put together that.
Speaker 1:Fanny Fatale I knew that wasn't her real name was really Deb Sundahl. She was like wait a minute, I'm waiting for you. So. So we had this instant connection and so she shows the video and then it was time to like spread them in front of a mirror with the speculum to really see where the G spot was Right. So everybody's kind of looking at each other and this cute little blonde girl raises her hand and says I'll go. So she goes in front of the mirror. She squiggles out of her tight little blue jeans, slides them down, puts a speculum in and of course her G-spot was cute and blonde. So I saw it and I'm like you know what, enough of this. So I just kind of went in front of a mirror and did it myself and Deb Sundell comes by and she goes wow, you have a really big and meaty G-spot. And I looked at her and I said that's because I'm a big and meaty girl.
Speaker 3:I love it. Yeah, she was amazing.
Speaker 1:There it is. And then the conversation at the end of the workshop wound up being why did you go to the men's uh, gay, men's bookstore to present? And that's when I learned that neither of the feminist bookstores wanted to have her. And I said but? But I said you know what we could use? A women's sex toy store in Boston. Clouds parted, bolt of lightning came down and I said I could do that. I could do that.
Speaker 1:So, then I went back to my two friends, my two lesbian friends in Manhattan and said I'm going to open a women's sex toy store in Boston. And they said if anybody can do it, it's you, and the rest is history.
Speaker 3:I think it's so crazy how there's still a question Does the G-spot exist? Yeah, and women don't really squirt, they pee. No, so much misinformation. This is my lived experience, people. Okay, how can you tell me, no, that doesn't exist. I can tell you for sure it exists. I've known about it since I was about 16, but it's just so still so much. I know it's because people in the patriarchy are afraid of very powerful women, like all of us here. And there's just so much. Why is there still so much misinformation about it?
Speaker 1:Well, it's again. It's a women in power thing for sure. Well, first of all, it was discovered Okay, there's air quotes, catch them, catch them. Catch those air quotes Discovered in 1944 by Dr Ernst Grafenberg, right Hence G for G-spot, and it was coined G-spot by Beverly Whipple when she wrote her book with, I think, three or four other people that came out, I think, in around 1994, called the G-Spot, and that was a really educational book and I still think it's one of the best because the first half is all education about it and the second half is kind of more stories about it.
Speaker 1:But you learn so much in that. I really like that book. I'm assuming it's still in print, I'm not sure, but it's really, really good. So the G-Spot that's the title of the book, so that's why it's called the G-Spot. So he discovered it in 1994. And what amazes me? I mean I can tell you so many stories about the medical community and the G-spot and female ejaculation. What else do you want to hear? Do we want to go down the medical path, or the how-to, or the what or the when and where?
Speaker 2:I think the one-on-one. I think, our listeners need to kind of just what is it? How you know, what does it do? All the things.
Speaker 3:How do I find it?
Speaker 1:Sure, okay. So what I like to demonstrate? Demonstrate, and anybody who's listening can easily do this at home. No, you don't have to take your pants off, so don't worry. Okay, so make the letter C with your hand. Okay, so the letter C. Okay, what's that? All right, now raise your thumb, the first knuckle of your thumb, so it almost looks like guess what A G. Okay, now how to find G spot is, if you flip it and if you were to put the top of your thumb on the clitoris, where your bent index finger is is where the G spot's going to be. It's just like a little knuckle, maybe knuckle and a half, inside the vagina. It's really close, and this is kind of no fail when you do this position-wise for sure. It's also why I have a hard time with a lot of rabbit vibrators, with the rabbit at the bottom and then the G-spot curve about four inches away.
Speaker 3:It's like no, exactly, yeah, no.
Speaker 1:So it's very close to the vaginal exit entrance and what it is is the it's around the urethra. Now the urethra is the hole through which you urinate Now sometimes, okay, I always recommend get that mirror, put it between your legs, see what it looks like there. You know, don't be shy, you can do it in privacy of your own home. Put plenty of light on it. Now, a lot of times when you open your legs, it's kind of seeing sort of vaginal opening, but maybe not so much more than that. But what you do to see where your urethra is and G-spot is to push out and what it'll do. If you can't see it right away, it'll poke out a little bit. So you'll see it and it's a hole. So it's not the vaginal hole but it's a. It's the urethral hole, so the urethra is right there. Now, technically, when you go to touch the urethra, you know, wash your hands before whatever. It'll feel like a rabbit nose, so it'll feel a little rounded around the urethral opening, all right, so it'll have a little bit of a different consistency. Now, what you can do to to check this is the G-spot area is you can run your finger around the vaginal barrel and up towards the front, like the top front, is where you'll feel like this rabbit nose. So that's the urethra. Now, upon stimulation of that area, what happens is that, as you mentioned the sponge it's called the paraurethra sponge. You break it down. Paraurethra means around the urethra, so it's a sponge tissue that goes around the urethra and it provides a really cool function too. So what happens with a lot of women and it's not all of them, but I think you can, anybody can learn how to do this. I was actually taught by a guy how to shoot off because he got turned on by it and we watch videos and I'm like, wow, that's a pretty cool party trick. I want to learn how to do that. So, with stimulation of that spongy tissue and sometimes it can happen clitorally too it really depends on how your body responds to it you can stimulate the spongy tissue. Now, the spongy tissue here's where it gets really important, fills up with fluid and it has a really awesome function. Do you know what it is? Why it does that? All right, this is really good. Okay, it fills up with spongy tissue and surrounding the urethra so that when you're fucking and pounding against the urethra, it won't get irritated. It's padded. So that's the function.
Speaker 1:That's why a lot of people will back in the days when people didn't have sex before they got married. The women would come home with a UTI urinary tract infection because their urethra is being beat up by fucking a lot. So it was called honeymoon's disease, because they didn't have time each time to build up the fluid around their urethra. So that can contribute to a UTI, for sure, because the tube is trying to get jostled around there and that's what happened. So that fluid will fill up in the urethra.
Speaker 1:Now with further stimulation which can be mental or that's a whole nother story actually, but it can, you know with the fluid. Okay, now what happens is a lot of times and I know this happened to me and whenever I teach a class on this, it happens all the time. So women will be having penetrating sex or whatever. Whatever gets them to the point that they get congested it's called that's actually a medical term congested. The periurethral sponge fills up and in your mind you will feel, oh my God, I need to pee, and you'll go to the bathroom and go pee and nothing will come out. And I can't tell you how many women were nodding their heads or nodding their heads going yeah, that's happened to me. Reason why pee doesn't come out is because pee comes out of the bladder. The sensation of being fully congested is the sponge, so it is not the bladder. So that's the big thing is that you feel congested but pee doesn't come out because it doesn't come out of the bladder. Then when you realize, oh okay, I know what this means, it means I'm ready to shoot off because I'm so full of fluid. Now comes the fun part is when you shoot off.
Speaker 1:Now this is a thing. Some women do this naturally. Some women, you know, can control it. Some women can't. Some women that's the response to penetrative sex or just sex all the time is they wet the bed, wet the bed. Now this is a whole thing because a lot of times partners don't know what it is. The women don't know what it is. Every time we have sex together, you wet the bed so they think it's urine, a urine problem, when it's not. How you know? The difference is that it doesn't look like urine, it doesn't smell like urine. It's not colored like urine, although the scent can change during the menstrual cycle and hormone levels. So sometimes it can be a little stronger, sometimes not so much. Sometimes it can be clear. Sometimes it can be a little milkier Again, it usually gets milkier right before your period and stuff, so it can have different scents. It will not be yellow. There's only 2% of urea in it, so only 2% urine, which is the same amount that's in sperm and ejaculate 2%. So it's not going to be yellow. This is the big thing. This is the big difference.
Speaker 1:Now I know personally when I was learning how to, I had done it previously with some other partners, but I didn't realize what it was. But when I was with my friend that was teaching it he was a former boss of mine too. So, yeah, we had a great sex life too, anyway. So how I would orgasm would be pulling up and inhaling, like this. And so he was using his fingers going push, push, push, push, and I was like push, okay. So I had to kind of rethink the way I would release. And that's when it was like releasing Okay, Okay. And then it would be I'd push. And then, lo and behold, like the first time he did it, I made like a little about 10 inch wide, little wet spot on the bed and he's like, hey, you did it.
Speaker 3:It was like Whoa, I used to tell women all the time you're probably ejaculating a little bit all the time, even if you don't aren't aware of it. If you get out of your bed and there's a, like you said, like a 10 inch wet spot, that's likely your body was starting to. You know, it starts to come out a little bit as you get more and more excited and maybe it doesn't gush, but it just keeps. It's like dribbling out. So when that you get out of bed and there's that big wood spot, that's from you, that's from your pleasure and your enjoyment, and, um, people are like what? Yeah, it's probably just you ejaculating just a tiny little bit. But, kim, does everybody have a g-spot? Yes, thank you yeah, for sure.
Speaker 1:So it's a matter of acknowledging it and feeling it. Like I say, just doing that little research, you can do it yourself with your finger around the vaginal barrel. You can feel that area. And the thing is is, when you do any kind of sexual discovery is to be really aware of it, like just don't. Like you're sticking in a tampon, like, okay, I didn't feel it, all right, you're not going to feel it that way. But if you're aware of like, oh, that's what that feels like there, oh, that's it. Oh, this surface feels a little bit more, yeah, less muscular. That's definitely the G-spot area. I know you have the Wonders of Oliver puppet in front of you, made by my pal Dory Lane, so we love those. She definitely keeps the G-spot in there, for sure, so we love those.
Speaker 2:She definitely keeps the G-spot in there for sure. Something I think I always thought had to be was that you had to simulate the G-spot to have squirting, and so we were gifted some vibrators and toys from WeVibe and Womanizer, and we got one of these toys, a womanizer and we got one of these toys. And, kim, I need you to talk to whomever that you talk to about the products and all those types of things, as fat people need longer handles, but I digress.
Speaker 2:So this toy is a clit stimulator toy and I am squirting like I've never squirted before and I think it is that bearing down and like having that you know, knowing that that's the muscle and the pressure and that sort of thing. But I had always believed that you had to have that sort of inserted stimulation. So tell me a little bit about the other types that you were talking about as well.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's definitely like whatever works for you, you know. And so which is which, to me, is the motto of sex anyway, do whatever works for you. There's no right or wrong, that's for sure. Dory Lane, the maker of the Wonderswallow Puppet, she had a bunch of videos out this had to be 93, 94, maybe 95, house O' Chicks, and one's about the G-spot, and it's a great informative one, and she just gets off on a little clitoral pocket rocket, you know, which was the go-to for a number of years, and and that makes her squirt in that video. Um, I don't sure. Maybe you can track down the video somewhere, but anyway, um, so, yeah, so it just really depends on what works for you, because the thing is, the body does amazing things when it comes to sex.
Speaker 1:This is the rule of thumb okay, all sex is based on reproduction. All sex, okay, all sex. The only thing that has nothing to do with reproduction is drum roll, please. The clitoris, exactly. Yay, and we have it. So this is the thing All sex is based on reproduction. So when you start getting turned on by using something for clitoral stimulation, all the hormones start kicking in, all the endorphins start kicking in and all the bodies start saying hey, get ready for sex Better, you know, surround that urethra with some spongy tissue and let's throw it up, make it really nice and safe. And so the release that you have in orgasm and that's another thing I want to mention too is that release of the fluid.
Speaker 1:Now, also, too, is ejaculation is not necessarily connected to orgasm. This is this is something you know a lot of people like oh, I want to orgasm and I want to ejaculate. It's like, okay, first of all, take both of those out of what you just said, because when you try too hard to have an orgasm, it's not going to happen. So that's a big one. And then the thing is with ejaculation. I mean, like I said, the big mental thing is to get over that thing. I'm going to pee, I'm going to what Throw down.
Speaker 1:Well, towels kind of don't really work because they just absorb it. But bed shock or something. They have lots of fluid, safe surfaces you can put down, but just don't fucking do it. Do it in the woods, you know. Do it somewhere where it doesn't matter, do it in a garage. I mean, this is, you know, it doesn't matter. Don't do it on the bed, do it in the bathroom. Oh, one time I was this is so great, I was shooting off like crazy and I was in a bathtub and I actually lifted my legs up so that my vagina was hidden straight up. So it was like a fountain coming out, and so it just really made a beautiful lot of fluid in the bathtub. And then when I went to move around in the bathtub it made these incredibly great body farts. It was so great, it was like totally shooting off in the bathtub.
Speaker 1:It was great. So, yeah, try it in the bathtub, then you really don't have to worry about getting anything wet.
Speaker 3:And yeah, and use your shower massager at the same time. But, kim, I think people assume, because they watch a lot of porn, that when we squirt it's going to go way across the room, and sometimes it does, other times it just kind of dribbles out. They're both the same to me. They both feel wonderful. You know one doesn't feel better than the other, but I know sometimes our partners get a little focused on can we make you squirt across the room? You don't have to do that, right? Not everybody can do that yeah, for sure.
Speaker 1:I mean, anytime a partner has a demand, it really pisses me me off. So that's like you know, cause I don't squirt all the time. Um, menopause kind of messed it up a little bit. I was much more squirty, a ball um, before menopause, and that's kind of. Some people say it makes a difference, some doesn't put them. Again, everybody's different. So mine, I've noticed a difference.
Speaker 1:Sometimes I'm with a partner and they can just touch me right at the hotspot and it's waterworks and it's like, gee, I wish my fingers could do that too. You know, I mean it's just really weird. Like there's this one person's like instant, I'm like how does that happen? But anyway, so yeah, so that's you know, it's just just try it. I mean it's kind of, you know, I'm convinced that anybody can learn how to do it, but it's kind of don't try to do it, like let yourself. Like, okay, this is a big thing, is so many women would enjoy sex if they would just let go? Let go Like it's really something. I'll talk to these women Cause I do a lot of sex coaching and stuff.
Speaker 1:It's like, oh, I've never had an orgasm. I'm like why they go? Cause, uh, I fear letting go. I'm like letting go of what? And boy, they hate to get backed up into that corner, cause they're like letting go of control. I'm like why do you need control, you know? And I just keep like poking and poking, and poking. I'm like if you're with somebody you know and trust, what is there to be worried about? Why? Why do you have to be in control, you know, and stuff. And sometimes, like a lot of times when I talk to him, he'll be like, oh my God, I let go the other night. It was the most amazing thing. Well, yeah, and that's when you can shoot off. A lot of times is when you just let go. It's okay.
Speaker 3:Because women I think women get in the bedroom and they think a lot of times. I got to pick up the dry clean, I got to drop off the kids Don't forget about soccer I'm going to make cupcakes bloody, bloody, bloody, bloody, all the things Right. And then, if we're having sex with men, they can often just be very focused on one thing and not a million other things, and so it's really about you. I have to get myself into that space Like Crystal. Let it go. Let it go, let it go For the next half an hour. We're just going to focus on sex and that's it. I'm not going to think about all this shit. I feel like I have to do, and that's what a lot of women who have sex with men or women. I know that our heads are going crazy, right, we have this internal conversation. That's insane.
Speaker 1:Right, have this internal conversation. That's insane. Right, and put your fucking phones and all computers and electronics in another room with a locked door. I mean, this is all big thing. Oh, no, I've got. Yeah, no, it's late, it's late. Pack the kids off to your auntie's house, you know. Do that disconnect from the world, but you know. And then we can kind of get into the whole like set up the situation and everything. But yeah, so it's. I mean that totally has a lot to do with it of letting go. I've got some funny female ejaculation stories if you want to hear.
Speaker 2:Oh, please, please, yeah.
Speaker 1:Okay, so let's see I've got some good ones. So the boss the former boss, who really liked it, he was working at a different location and it was the summer and you know we'd talk real dirty and stuff and I thought, ooh, I'm going to send him some panties that I've shot off in. So I put them in a plastic bag, you know, zipped it and you know, mailed it to him, and then, you know, and he got them, but it wasn't for a couple of days. After that he opened it up and it was really hot out.
Speaker 3:I opened it up and it was like oh, I can only imagine I was kind of a little strong, let's see.
Speaker 1:So I was. So there's the organization that I'm actually a charter member of back in 1997 called the ISWISH International Society for the Study of Women's Sexual Health, and I was asked to join by a number of prominent doctors because I have a skillset that a lot of them don't have. More on that later. And so I was at an ISWISH meeting and somebody from up in the pulpit giving the presentation said they doubted that the G-spot and female ejaculation existed. And I was seething the year prior there were three gals that you know. I kind of hit it off with certain people at these conferences and stuff and we were talking about female ejaculation. I'm like, yeah, well, I can demonstrate it. And they're like, really, I'm like yeah yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:Come here. So it was during a big banquet. So I went around the it was at a hotel. I went around all the rooms on the side of the big conference banquet center and found a room that was unlocked. We all went in there. It was like where the linens were and shit. I'm like, okay, now look, watch, watch, and boom, shot off. And they're like, holy shit. I'm like, yeah, pretty cool. So they're like, yeah.
Speaker 1:So then the year later was the guy in the pulpit saying it wasn't happening like this. So I went out for the breakout and I'm standing there with two gynecologists and, I think, a sex therapist and one of the gals that was in the room the year before. And they're like, yeah, I don't think female ejaculation exists. And my friend says, well, kim can demonstrate it, she doesn't. And they look at me and I'm like, yeah, actually I do. And if you want, I'm happy to show you. And they were kind of like the guy that it was all men, of course, and three men. So I'm like, just, let's, at lunchtime I can show you.
Speaker 1:So lunchtime starts rolling around, a couple of minutes before I go to the ladies room just to pipe, you know, prime up the pipes, cause I wasn't going to give them the pussy show without dollars getting thrown at me. So I go. So I go to the room, right, and I had taken off my nylons cause they were trying to rip, so I didn't have a. I had a dress on. So I put a towel down on the edge of the bed and I said, okay, I'm going to show you. So one of the gynecologists he grabs a chair and he goes I want to see this up close. So he looks up close. So I put the towel down and since I had the pipes already primed up, it was like and then arc comes out. Not okay, that was enough. So then I stand up and the other gynecologist I'm holding the towel in my hand, like pretty close to my chest the other gynecologist looks. He goes are you sure that wasn't urine? And I said, if it was urine it would be yellow and you would smell it. And he was looking at me like I had just performed some magic trick. He could not comprehend that that happened. And once you get the pipes going, yeah, I had to do a little more I said let me show you again. So I did that and I showed it again. They were stunned. They just could. They, like I said they thought they saw a magic trick, so I showed them. So they're believers now. So it's like okay, that's how you get the word out. And then the other guy who was the shrink, he's like were you turned on to do that? I were you, but that was kind of like the line question, but oh well, I just had to ask.
Speaker 1:So then another time, also medical community actually I've got tons of those, as I said, was I was getting I had an indirect inguinal hernia, so I was in the OR and not knocked out or anything yet, but I had the needle in my arm, my arms were strapped down and stuff and so they were doing the prep thing. And this was at a hospital. A friend of mine was a doctor there. So he, you know, he knew all the nurses, he knew the anesthesiologist, blah, blah. So anesthesiologist is at my head. The nurses are asking oh so what do you do for it? Come on, you know I own sex toy store. I do a lot of teaching. I said it always amazes me how much the medical community doesn't know about things when it comes to sex. So the doctor, the anesthesiologist who I couldn't see, was kind of like this good old boy from Georgia kind of guy you know. So I'm there with my arms strapped. I said so, for example, dr So-and-so.
Speaker 1:What did they teach you in school about female ejaculation? There was no counting back from 10. There was nothing. He put that bitch out real fast, right. So then my doctor friend, after he said the nurse is just they said he turned beet red like this. And so, you know, first I laughed and I thought, wait a minute. I did not ask what is your experience with them. I was asking as a consumer of the medical practice with them. I was asking as a consumer of the medical practice, what did they teach you? He should have said they don't teach us anything until back from 10. Right, that was another thing. God, there was another one.
Speaker 1:So I was going to this gynecologist, prominent one in Boston area, and I asked her I'm like, what do they teach you about female deactivation? She goes nothing. She goes. In fact. I had a patient come in the other day who said she wet the bed every time she had sex. So I prescribed her urinary incontinence meds. And so doctors hate it when you call them on their shit. So I said, oh, did you ask her for a sample? And she was, like you know, just kind of looking down, like kind of how dare you ask me that? I kind of looking down, like kind of how dare you ask me that? I said you know what, I can demonstrate that and I'd be more than happy to come in before office appointment hours and show that it happens and stuff. And she could. I could see him kind of tightening up and going, no, that's okay. And I thought you know what, I don't want to see you ever again, just because you didn't support it.
Speaker 1:Now fast forward to the present. And I founded a Los Angeles area group of practitioners in various aspects of sexuality and we meet once a month and this gynecologist, young gal who just you know has been in practice for a very short time. But what she said gynecologists get absolutely no training in sex education. I know there's a lot of people that have their jaws dropped down on the floor right now. No education, she goes. I had to educate myself on the construction or whatever, or the anatomy of a clitoris. They don't even teach that.
Speaker 3:So Kim. Speaking of medical questions, what is ejaculate for women? Made from? What is it? It's not pee Nectar of the gods.
Speaker 1:Yes goddesses. Absolutely. I know a lot of people have researched it and unfortunately I don't have that at the tip of my turn, so to speak, of what it is, other than the 2% urea creatine I think is in it. Obviously it waters the main ingredient, for sure. And then the rest of it is science-oriented. I know creatine urea, yeah, but there's small percentages of the other stuff Science-oriented. I know creatineuria, yeah, but there's small percentages of the other stuff.
Speaker 3:It's mostly water and nectar of the goddesses for sure it's not for people who don't have an experience with it. It's not as like when you see male ejaculate you just know okay, that's male ejaculate. It can be a little more deceiving, I guess, because it's not all thick and whatever. It's clear usually, or maybe a tiny bit of color if you square it on a white towel, but usually it's just clear and it doesn't smell like pee at all.
Speaker 1:Exactly, that's the big part of it. It doesn't smell like pee or yellow. Yeah, I mean, in all the towns I've shot off, it's like not yellow, like at all, I mean like not even like a tingement. So even though, like I mean 2%, I mean you think of what's 2%, I mean it's like milk.
Speaker 3:Is it coming from the Skeen's gland? Is that the thing?
Speaker 1:So this is the thing. Most of it drains through the urethra, so the urethra, so the urethra is basically like the major channel pathway.
Speaker 3:Which is where pee comes through Exactly. That's why it might have a little.
Speaker 1:Yeah, confused with it. Now, the Steens glands are small, two small glands on either side of the urethra that they say you can see with the naked eye, but they're probably like really really small and you really have to get in there. Small and you really have to get in there. There's also something like a hundred other little openings all around the urethra that it can come out of as well, but there's a kind of like microscopic kind of like your skin, you know, and your pores and everything. So the majority of it does come out of the urethra. Skin glands really has to. You really have to look at it, but it comes out that way too.
Speaker 2:And this is a fun topic, kim, but you've done this, you've done sex stuff for decades, so is this your favorite topic to talk about and if not, what is?
Speaker 1:My favorite topic is sex, because it's too vast to just name one. This is definitely one of them. I mean, I totally love talking about my personal experiences because I think it normalizes a lot of crazy stuff out there. I mean, it all fascinates me, as you know, so I don't really have any particular one. I mean this one I like because there needs to be so much more education around it as opposed to like how do I do butt fucking, you know, and stuff. So I think that this one is definitely one of the more serious. I can put quotes around that too conversations, because it's so misunderstood and not taught anywhere in schools. So it's any. I mean, look at that. A gynecologist doesn't even freaking know what it is. So like how bad is that? So yeah, so this one definitely has a lot to do with it at.
Speaker 2:So yeah, so this one. I definitely has a lot to do with it, for sure. Well, and I'm I'm curious, because you have so many different types of toys you used to own a store that you've done all this education. What is your favorite sex toy?
Speaker 1:One one that I own. Yeah, I'd say anything. I'm a big inside gal, so I like no, no clitoris.
Speaker 1:Not so much, you know. I know we had to check. Everybody gets taught the clit is it, and if you don't get off on the clit then you have a problem. And me it's like whatever works for you I had I started having sex when I was 15 and it wasn't until I got nailed from behind when I was 18, like vagilate. That it was like whoa, like it was totally a different response and that was that's what set it off for me and that's like a big way to stimulate the spot. So that was that was like a big turn in for me for sure. So, yeah, so it just it's what's worked for you. Now, I know we talked earlier about the politics of clitoral, designating the clitoris as like the one and only hotspot. The person that I got into the hot and heated debate with and who I constantly had a hot and heated debate with, was our dearly departed Betty Dodson, who was a big the clit is it, and I'm like no no, no, no.
Speaker 1:And she also didn't believe in female ejaculation, although I showed it to her countless times. That's pee, I'm like no, betty, it's not Look and stuff. So that was an ongoing feud.
Speaker 3:That's funny, family feud we had the two of us, of all the people. That's so funny. So so, um, yeah, okay, what about toys that have that g-spot curve does? Is that like, do you recommend that to people? That kind of like have the come hither sort of angle to it?
Speaker 1:absolutely, because that does provide direct stimulation. You can also angle a straight toy to hit it. But I really like that curve, that curved band. What is the original? Actually? The original vibrator to stimulate the g-spot was invented by marty tucker back in the probably maybe the late 70s, maybe early 80s, um, and basically he put the motor of the vibrator up in the top in like an egg shaped shape with a straight shaft. So that was the first kind of G-Spot vibrator there, because it was curved and it had the motor at the top. Well, I'll tell you, that shape is still one of my favorite shapes because, a being a big G-Spot gal, I love it. B it's hard. It's a hard plastic one, so you can kind of like really hook it around your pelvic bone, your pubic bones and G-spot and really trying to get it in there. So I love anyone that's got a G-spot curve to it and no clit stem.
Speaker 3:I'm not a big rabbit kind of gal, don't tell anybody that All right, kim, I know you remember this era of sex toys and they all look like a missile or like an arrow, and so it'd have the little dial at the very bottom and at the tip would be really nothing going on up there, and then the vibration would happen down here, where it's in your hand and nowhere near your clitoris or your G-spot. It's like why Vibrating down here is not going to do anything for anybody.
Speaker 1:I'll tell you. I can tell in a second. If a man's designed a sex toy, Boom, it's like okay, guy designed that.
Speaker 3:I know, thank God, there's a lot more women now designing sex toys. Big time, big turn.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's pretty monumental and pretty amazing Okay.
Speaker 2:Two rapid fires. You ready? Let's hear it Morning sex or afternoon delight. Afternoon delight Morning sex or afternoon delight. Afternoon delight Birthday suit or lingerie Birthday suit.
Speaker 1:I turned my mom on to sleeping naked. She'd always worn something. I'm like, dude, totally, you know, go sleep naked. She was, you know, turning back after that. She's like, oh, I feel so good. I'm like, I know, that's what I keep telling you. I'm so used to it that I traveled to France to see family. Like I said, I'm in France. I traveled to France with my brother and I realized I forgot to pack pajamas, so I'm not going to go naked in front of my brother. So it was like oh, I got to acheter mes pajamas, so I bought some pyjamas in France.
Speaker 3:They weren't sexy at all. Kim, you know how people say that everybody's favorite sexual technique is enthusiasm. You are enthusiasm a million times. You can tell how passionate and enthusiastic you are about anything related to sex.
Speaker 2:It just comes through the screen so easily, Exude it Totally.
Speaker 1:It's so awesome. I just love it. When I had my store years and years ago, of course, somebody had written about me and they said Kim Ayers makes buying a vibrator as easy as buying a toaster Hell yeah, I thought that was great. I'm like I'll take that, that's normalization. I love it. Yes, totally is one of my favorite things to do.
Speaker 3:Can you think of any toys that you think would work really well for fat bodies?
Speaker 1:um, yeah, there's a full bunch of really wonderful wands that are out there now. Um, and the wands, a lot of them have attachments that you can use. Some get that stimulation internally, so you can get both clitoral and then, um, internal stimulation as well. So, oh, yeah, I'm going to throw out. So there's a space in between, like the clitoris, and everybody's different, but there's space between the clitoris and the entrance to the vagina, so that technically, is called the vestibule. That's the medical term for it, the vestibule. But I want to rename it the air's spot because I really love that area just going right in there, like that. So it's called the airs spot. So tell everybody that use the air spot. That's a real hot spot too. I love it. So, yeah, so I would say the ones there's some beautiful ones out there, for sure um, there's also a lot that are made for use in a harness that the wearer inserts it and then it comes straight forward.
Speaker 1:Those are really good because it basically has a built-in handle, sure, so that's an easy one to use, for sure, you know, because you can pile drive that way. And also, too, is, if you want to use something like that, a referable way to get a cock ring a vibrating cock ring and make that your clitoral stimulation and just slip it onto your dildo so you can have a dildo that you like and, like I said, one of those dual ones with the handle and put a cock ring on it and that'll vibrate and you can put it wherever you want on it too, so it's not a fixed spot like on a rabbit vibe or something as you can put it. You know, so if you have a short vagina, you can put the rabbit I mean the cock ring like three inches down it and still get the vaginal penetration as well as clitoral stimulation too.
Speaker 2:You know you were talking about how Kim exudes this like passion for sex. That's very evident on your Instagram feed. Like you, look like you are living your best life. I'm just watching it, thinking like I love, like I'm jealous. I'm just watching this going like? Where's Kim going Like instead of where in the world is Carmen Sandiego? Where in the world is Kim Ayers, Because man, this is so cool.
Speaker 1:It looks like you're out having a great time. What I love so much is that people look at me and they go. You look so normal. I'm like, yeah, that's about how far it goes.
Speaker 3:And you know, what's good about looking normal is that I believe, and from my own experience, people look at me kind of like more maternal because I'm fat and older and they feel, I think, a little more comfortable asking me things that they might not ask just anybody else. And I know it's stupid and it pisses me off in some ways, but I know it's like a look, You're fat and you look a little bit older. I'm going to ask you the craziest sex toy question or the craziest sex question You'll never get. You're not going to judge me. I'm like okay, I'll take it, that's fine.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and it's funny too, cause you know it's what we're talking about socials and stuff. Is that? Okay, I've got, real honest to goodness, lived in experience somebody who's 25? No, you're not a sex. Okay, you haven't fucked thousands of people. I lost count many times, you know. It's just like, yeah, you don't have that experience and it's not to be like, oh, I'm smarter than you or anything like that, but I really think having lived in experience, doing, having done it, it gives me personally so much more cred than a lot of these people that have come along Hell yeah.
Speaker 2:No, I'd agree and I think that there's. You know how you were saying Crystal of. Like you know, I have this kind of look and I just watched the Dr Ruth documentary on. Hulu when she passed away and that's how she kind of got her footing was like she kind of came off as this grandmotherly, so people felt safe to ask those questions and that, yeah, I think that that's something where you kind of pigeonholed you, but at the same time, it's like it really gives you a platform where you didn't have.
Speaker 2:you know, maybe, like you were saying, the cute blonde with the g-spot you know it's like right well, yeah, but I have some shit to tell you too, and I can shoot it across the room I was just thinking about sue johansson too.
Speaker 3:She kind of they both have that sort of grandma's safe look totally yeah wow because, like yeah, yeah, rocket wonderful so, speaking of your instagram, how can people find?
Speaker 1:you. They can find me on pretty much all socials at Kim Ayers A-I-R-S. On TikTok it's TheKimAyers, and yeah, and all that On Facebook, twitter. I'm getting better and better at throwing stuff on TikTok because something that I posted just my shirt I was wearing that had cream cheese on it and I said it looked like a dollop or something else that picture went fucking viral. I'm like what? It's so funny and unpredictable. So I'm like, yeah, okay, I'll post a lot more funny t-shirts with cream cheese on them.
Speaker 2:I love TikTok. Obviously, it's a great outlet for folks to be able to connect, and I think one thing that it's very much lacking, and one thing that we all know every platform struggles with, is sex education. But I think there's a real opportunity there for individuals who want to start getting out sex education in a way that's fun and interesting, and so I'm glad that you have a presence on TikTok, because that's you know. I think that's the next route for people to learn.
Speaker 1:It is. It is and like I made a video, I haven't posted it yet at the sex toy convention that it's a blow job kit. But I don't say that. But I show the picture of it and it's like it's really hysterical.
Speaker 3:So that's the only bummer about TikTok.
Speaker 1:Yeah, well, they all are, you know, but we're working around it. We're working around it, thank goodness.
Speaker 3:Yeah, oh, and also, kim, if people have an idea for a sex toy. Do you do that kind of consulting for people?
Speaker 1:I do, I do and I'm damn good with it and I have really great references. Best thing get me probably through IG, you know, dm me through IG. Um, best thing get me probably through ig. You know it's uh, dm through ig. That's the best one. Um, because tiktok can get really I don't want to say overwhelming, but there can be thousands and I'm not going to go leading through a thousand. But, um, ig is really good. I always look at messaging. Come through that. Oh, on my business card it's really fun is I put an intentional typo on it? Instead of saying consultant, it says consulate. I know I tell people there's an intentional typo on it. Instead of saying consultant, it says consulate. I know I tell people there's an intentional typo so they don't think like I made a mistake. Oh my God. Yeah, real quick. I got a podcast too, so we'll have to do the reverse thing too. It's Kim Eyre's sex chat. I've got to add some more to it in my crazy life.
Speaker 3:We'd love to come on and talk about fat sex or, as I like to call it, sex.
Speaker 1:Super important, excellent. Thank you so much for having me as a guest.
Speaker 3:Thanks, kim, all right, y'all See you later. Alligator, after a while, crocodile.
Speaker 1:I'll put a smile across your miles.
Speaker 3:Thank you, Kim.
Speaker 1:Thank you.
