Sex, Health, and Fatness: A Look Back at 2024’s Biggest Moments

This episode reflects on the significant milestones and conversations that shaped the fat community in 2024. From exploring the impact of sexual wellness products to discussing the complexities of dating and health, we take a look back at the triumphs and trials that defined our year.

• Recap of the year and its highlights 
• Exploration of sexual wellness and enjoyment 
• Personal stories about dating in the digital age 
• Conversations surrounding menopause and health awareness 
• Celebration of Tigress’ Time Magazine feature 
• Discussion on medical anti-fatness and healthcare biases 
• Insight into polyamory and kink communities 
• Reflection on the "Your Fat Friend" documentary and its resonance 
• Hopes and goals for the coming year, focusing on inclusivity and representation

Chapters

• 0:04 Year in Review
• 6:18 Exploring Diverse Topics in Current Culture
• 15:38 Exploring Fat-Friendly Kink and Advocacy
• 22:21 Focusing on Fat Liberation and Advocacy
• 32:22 Fat-Friendly Fashion and Inclusivity
• 39:11 Exploring Body Positivity and Self-Exploration
• 46:55 Embracing Greed for Sexual Liberation

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:04

Hi, welcome to Big Sexy Chat. I'm Crystal, I'm Murph. We're just two rad fatties sitting around chewing the fat. Twice a month. We'll be chatting about current events, hot topics, sex, sex toys, fat politics, fat community, cannabis, cbd, you name it. We're going to talk about it. We are very excited to have you a part of our community. Welcome and enjoy. Hey there, welcome back to Big Sexy Chat. My name is Crystal and I'm here with my beautiful co-host, murph. Hi, murph, hi, welcome back to everybody.

Speaker 1: 0:35

We're so excited about today's episode. We're going to do a year in review, just like you've seen People Magazine every year, right, or Time Magazine a year in review. So we're going to review some of our famous and favorite episodes of our podcast from 2024. And we're going to talk about some really exciting, cool things that were happening in the phatosphere in 2024. So, murph, do you want to get us started? Yeah, so let's talk a little bit about the episodes that we recorded this year. Sure, you know, I think we started the year off really strong when we got those vibrators from WeVibe and Womanizer, because I think of how much that Womanizer Premium 2 duo has changed my life, and that was the start of January, january, like we. We jumped into it, we did fat con, we got back, we had that episode and ever since, like man, oh man, all I can say is like womanizer. Please, please, please, please, please, make the longer handle, because, oh my gosh, like talk about epic life changing. Well, the good news isph, that Kim Card has sent us some more goodies and they just arrived here today and I'm going to ship them off to you in Ashley tomorrow and you're going to have some more goodies that should rock your 2025. They look really amazing and they have a new cream that Kim says feels like little champagne bubbles on your clitoris. So, hello, oh my goodness, I know. So we get 2025 started off, right, right, and now I'm looking forward to ringing in the new year. Yeah, just as long as we can get to the January 20th, yes, yes, but yeah, that was a great episode. It wasn't really, you're right, it was really.

Speaker 1: 2:25

For me, it was also very epic and, um, I just I love their products. They make such great products and they're such good quality and they last forever and they're they're made with body safe materials all the things that a girl could ask for. Right, and great customer service. One of my friends was telling me that, um, they purchased one. I don't, it wasn't the womanizer, it was some other thingVibe. And she wrote them and was like I really don't, I'm not enjoying this toy. And they were like, keep it, here's your full refund. And I was just like what? Wow, yeah, I've heard nothing but those kinds of stories of like good customer service, spotlight to WeVibe and Womanizer because, yeah, they make some fantastic quality stuff.

Speaker 1: 3:07

It's the biggest bummer when you spend 200 dollars on a sex store. I know you know this mirth and that you're disappointed by it. You're like god dang it, wish I could just try these first. Right, exactly. And there's just, it's not the same. When you're standing at the store and it's vibrating in your hand, it's just not the same. No, I know, I agree, we jumped into uh dating, into dating with Victoria Nachos and learned a lot about that culture right now, and that's not something you and I really experience. And so, learning about the dating apps and what happens in that realm, it just seems so different from when I experienced dating a long time ago, was?

Speaker 1: 3:44

It was a good conversation. I like her motto if you're not gonna lick my pussy, bye, right, it's me first. That's what my rule anyway is me than you and me again, but I think she's got. She's got because you know, I mean, I know, as a heterosexual woman mostly, you know, I know, um, it's definitely, if I, if I counted the score, it would be like 1 million to 500. As far as giving oral sex and receiving it, um, yeah, I mean, we all know it's rare, especially if you're on a date and you're not, like in a committed relationship men, as in general, they don't, they don't do that on the first date, but they want us to, of course. Well, yeah, the deficit there is one million to 500. Is that right? Really, yeah.

Speaker 1: 4:32

And then, speaking of other things that women have to endure, we talked about perimenopause and menopause with carolyn wadkins. That was great. Yeah, that was. That was a very unifying conversation. Sure, yeah, I know you and I both have lots to say about this.

Speaker 1: 4:50

We were just going off on menopause and perimenopause just now and all the brain fog and all that stuff that goes along with it. Nobody tells you about Right, and just the constant feeling of like am I going crazy? And I think about that little TikTok thing where it's like. Am I going crazy? Like I just, and I think about that, that little TikTok thing where it's like, am I the villain, you know? Like, because you get so irritated and all the symptoms and all the things, and it's like you're kind of like, am I gaslighting myself, like, does this really happen and exist? It was nice to have a conversation where that was normalized. Am I the asshole on Reddit? But, like, am I the asshole? Am I the menopause asshole? Because, boy, sometimes I could definitely be an asshole.

Speaker 1: 5:32

I learned that for white women typically perimenopause lasts about five years. Hispanic women usually last about six and a half years and for black women it's about 10 years. And I, my paramen pause did last a lot longer than that. But I'm also special. I'm very uh, I'm high maintenance, I guess. I don't know, I'm a little bit of anomaly, I'm I'm overachiever, but um, I know it's really there's. I don't know what the difference is, why it's so much. I'm sure it's access to, you know, health, good health care, equitable health care, probably a big part of it. Um, that'd be my guess, don't you think something like that? Oh, I'm sure, I'm sure, and you know, just, environmental access, just, yeah, there's so many, I'm sure, really complex elements to it, but, yeah, that's wild.

Speaker 1: 6:18

After my uh hysterectomy, which was kind of urgently created, I was on no hormones for four years and I just recently started the patch, the estrogen patch, estradiol. Yeah, so far it's pretty good, nice. It's not fixing my or helping my brain fog, that's why I wanted to start it, but, yeah, good times. Anyway, any other episodes that you were just like so crazy about this year, oh, my goodness.

Speaker 1: 6:40

So we talked to the Fat and and fucked podcast with dr dr sexy fat and suzy hooker and we had them on just our most recent episode, the round table. Um, and that was a fun opportunity to be with other podcasters and talk and um. We talked about inclusive movement with wendy and her story of you know kind of of dealing with all the things that come with the exercise lifestyle and how it can really impact fat liberationists. So that was a really interesting conversation I felt. Murph, have you ever been exercising somewhere and somebody goes? You go, girl, good job. Yeah, so condescending, and I really think that they don't understand that. But yeah, so condescending, which was nice to hear, like the stuff that she does and the Zoom sessions that she has, so it's like I can get movement and I don't have to be in a gym, because anytime you're in a spectacle of space, it's like OK, here we go.

Speaker 1: 7:45

Tigress was in Time magazine and we talked to her which was incredible and learned all about how she entered into that realm and the things that are starting to change and the publicity that NAFA is getting. That was really cool. Yeah, that's first on my list. For all the things that happened in the Thadosphere this year, to me the most meaningful one was Tigress in Time Magazine. There's a lot of really meaningful things, but first of all, tigress is a longtime friend of mine and so I'm just amazed by her all the time and I'm very proud of her. But I'm also very hopeful about the work that they do and I'm also grateful for all the work that NAFA does and Tigress is just an amazing ambassador for all of that. She's an entire magazine Holy shit, right, fat activist.

Speaker 1: 8:32

It's incredible In a space talking about health like that opened so many doors, like it's just. It's really awe-inspiring. Yeah, fat people can be healthy and lots of thin people are unhealthy, y'all Right, I hope I'm not telling you anything new, because you should know that if you're fat, but also if you're not fat, you should know that, especially if you're not fat, because don't just look at me and assume that I have whatever you think I have. You don't know, so don't make an assumption, and I don't make an assumption about you, but I do notice that think you've are allowed to just eat whatever they want in public, on public spaces, on social media, and smoke all they want in public spaces, and nobody seems to mind. But we don't know if they're healthy or not healthy. These are air quotes around the word healthy. What does that even mean? Exactly, people that you know have that mentality. You, exactly People that you know have that mentality.

Speaker 1: 9:23

You get somebody in a space that says something totally different from that and has all the things to back it up. Which Tigress does you got a whole different scenario playing out. 100%. I, if you're gonna go and you know, want to know something interesting about squirting in general. Oh, my goodness, she has just got the best stories.

Speaker 1: 9:51

Yeah, female ejaculation is really um, it's still a taboo topic. I guess some people just aren't comfortable talking about it. But you know, kim, like me, I'm just like whatever it's humans. If you're, as long as you're leaving kids and animals out of I don't care what you do. I really don't, as long as everybody has consent. But Kim's just like that too. She's just like here's how it works, here's how it works for me, here's what I've done, how I've done it and here's how you might also accomplish. That's amazing. I love her clit and all the things around it and all the elements to how we you know how we interact with the world at large when it comes to the clitoris. So that was cool, asher Lee and I cause you had your surgery this year.

Speaker 1: 10:36

Asher Lee and I talked about polyamory, which was really interesting, um, and you know, got to hear her perspective on things and some of the rules and the vocabulary that comes with that. And Another episode that Asherlee participated in when you were out was she brought her doctor, dr Robert. That was a really interesting element, I think. To have a medical doctor talking about anti-fatness and how they address it and what they experience and getting that validation was really nice, was really nice. Having a doctor on our side is wow. It's very meaningful and it's like the work that Reagan does, right? Reagan Chastain, she's out there at UC Irvine, all kinds of different places in medical schools talking about medical anti-fatness, and same with Ashley's doctor. That was a great episode and I'm so grateful for all the work that he's doing. And you know they're both educating other people in the world of Times.

Speaker 1: 11:54

Yesterday that said, approximately 30% of Americans are practicing some version of polyamory. Oh, interesting, yeah, it's very interesting. Yeah, I know that we live in California so we probably see that a lot more than most people, right, but it's really common here, really really common, and people can make it define it any way they want to. Right, it's very malleable and it can change constantly. People are doing all kinds. There's no more or very little of just male, female, just the to be monogamous. But and we've kind of forced ourselves into do that with religion and all that but very interesting, given the cost of living and everything.

Speaker 1: 12:46

Now, like people are recognizing like I can't, we can't do this as two people, this costs too much. Like we need other people in our lives that like are going to help raise our kids and it takes a village. And, like you know, we're kind of starting to recognize that the environment we've created really does mean that you should have multiple partners to be able to survive in it. It's kind of like I'm going to create my own little community and you know we're all going to take care of each other. And I love makes sense to me, like big love on hbo when he built that compound for all of his wives and him yeah, loved it. Yeah. If it wasn't just about him, yeah, definitely. I know it was just a really good show, though it was great. Yeah, and I love him so much. I'm so sorry he's gone.

Speaker 1: 13:24

I know, yeah, polyamory is very and enm is very common people. I think the more people that learn about it, the more people want to try it. And also, when all these mores and these like rules around our marriages and stuff were created by these people that are Christian. We didn't live to be 100 back then, so life's a lot different now. People live to be in their 90s.

Speaker 1: 13:46

How are you supposed to have the same partner for, I don't know, 70 years? That seems wild to me, right? If you're not like growing and changing together and adding other elements, it's really really rough, yeah, and boring, yeah. Well, that's tedious. Let's just say tedious. I mean, exactly what I've noticed in my all my years is that what people couples, whatever their genders are you start to learn each other's buttons, so to speak, and then you kind of get into this routine Like I do A, b, c, d and I know that's always going to make him or her finish. But then that gets like, okay, cool, it all works, it works, it works. But then it gets kind of dull and it's hard to shake. Get yourself out of your little, whatever your little rules are, whatever your little routine is, and it's really hard to get people out of their routines or whatever your little routine is, and it's really hard to get people out of their routines. And that's what happens when you have a new person is can bring some new routines and bring some freshness and bring some excitement to the table, absolutely, yeah.

Speaker 1: 14:43

And speaking of newness and excitement to the table, we talked about Shabari, rope bondage with Beck. Yeah, with Beck. They're great, yeah, lots of really cool, interesting, really technical information from them. It was an exciting episode. Yeah, that was really great, great, I love it. I love their Instagram. It's amazing, yeah. And a lot of the great examples of fat bodies being tied up in shawari. It's incredible. What's it called when they're hanging? I always forget this word suspension. Suspension, amazing, right, yeah, oh yeah, it just looks incredible. It really just it's such a beautiful, artistic but very like sexually arousing experience. We bought some stuff to try out. I'm excited to give it a go.

Speaker 1: 15:38

I always assumed that suspension was not for fat bodies, because I think I mentioned this in the episode. When I think of one or two ropes digging into my fat, I think that my weight and gravity is going to make that hurt really bad. But Beck was saying that they distribute the weight by making the ties wider, so instead of having two ropes, you might have 10 ropes and that kind of distributes the way that the gravity is pulling you down. It hurts less or maybe not at all. Yeah, yeah, I've been talking to a friend who is really into BDSM and hearing about some of the ways that they use furniture and things like that. It's specifically meant to like alleviate the pain that you'd have in your lower back or do these types of things. So it's nice to see that there are so many accommodations for fat bodies to explore really new, unique aspects of, you know, sexual health and adventure. But we don't talk about those things. So, like, getting more information about this is really helpful.

Speaker 1: 16:41

And I want to add this and I've tried, I've added this a few times to our different episodes, but the kink community can be very body accepting and when I had my boutique and I had clients come in, you know, who were nervous about buying lingerie or whatever and they wanted to date, but they didn't know where to date. And I would say, if you have any interest at all in that little bit of kink, maybe, just, you know, dip your toes in the water, because kinky people are into people who are also into their kink. They don't really, they're not so focused on you need to be size 12 or whatever. You need to lose 10 more pounds. They're just like, oh, you're into the same kink, you into foot fetishes, so am I? I'm into leather, you, so you, that's all they care about. Yeah, no, not 100, but let's say like 95. Yeah, a large portion, because it's about the act of whatever it is. It's not about like, oh, you need to, you know, meet some sort of ideal before I'm really into whatever it is. Yeah, precisely.

Speaker 1: 17:31

And the kink community is open to nerds and to people that are neurodivergent and eccentric and all those things that make up wonderful humans, and they're also very accepting of the way you express your sexuality or your gender. It's just a cool community and it's really good. If you're nervous about it and you're a fat person, it's an interesting community to get involved in. But I just want to warn people too. There's a lot of fakes in the kink world Like I'm a dom, these men oftentimes who say they're doms but they're really not. So make sure you learn more about what that means to be a dom. Like for the dom, submissive has all the power, not the dom, it's just a power play. You know they're playing, I'm in charge, but they're really not. But if they think they are, that's probably not the right dom for you. So just a little bit of warning, because it can be a little bit. You know, can be sometimes problematic, sadly, like most groups of people, but it's a really cool place for fat people to get a little taste of some fun, absolutely. Yeah, a little sidebar conversation.

Speaker 1: 18:36

We went to a dungeon and saw like for the first time, all this stuff right, and it's a very controlled environment, very specific to hygiene and all the things. And I was talking about being in one of the saddles saddles where you like lean forward and you're like on all fours and that sort of thing and um, I was like, oh, wow, this one's really comfortable, because I was just like laying on it. I wasn't. You know, we were just looking at the dungeon, we were actually playing um, and they you know the guy who was running it said oh yeah, we make this specifically so that it's comfortable for larger bodies and that you can sit there for a while and feel comfortable while you're absorbing you know the hits that come from whatever and the spanking or those types of things and it's just like, wow, ok, like you've intentionally created an accommodation for my style of body, and like that tells me everything I need to know about kink. Hello, wow, bless them.

Speaker 1: 19:37

Was that dungeon up in the Bay Area? Somewhere? It was in Sacramento, okay, cool, yeah, I'm telling you it's a very fat, friendly, very just everybody friendly community. So I always check to give them their props because it's pretty awesome. Yeah, absolutely. And also, if you're in the same relationship with the same person for 70 years, like we were talking about, it would be a good idea to just try some new stuff, because, whoa, yeah, and they're really, from what I've seen, um, very accommodating to newbies. You know like, oh, you want to learn about this. Like sure, let's teach you, you know and and here are the ways and here's some other alternatives, and and so, yeah, it definitely seems like a much more open, sexually and also accepting group.

Speaker 1: 20:19

We talked to Reagan about how to handle yourself in an exam room with medical professionals, which you know, kind of went in tandem with that Dr Robert conversation, but very specific, on like, okay, they've told you you have a sinus infection and they prescribe weight loss. How do you handle that? You know, how do you state what you need to state to them? The clues and the tips that she gave are so helpful. So you know, if you are experiencing those issues, go back and listen to that episode and if you're an ally, go listen to that episode because you could help your fat friends that have to experience and endure this on a regular basis. I don't know a single fat person who hasn't had a traumatic experience with a doctor. Sadly, it's true.

Speaker 1: 21:02

But yeah, thin friends, please could you watch out for us too? I think, specifically on that episode, we were talking about them looking out for us at holiday parties. If you see some bullshit going down, could you speak up please, because if we're the one that they're putting down, it's hard for us to jump in there and it's better if somebody else is on the outside going. Hey, that's bullshit, don't say that. Don't say that about my friend or my loved one, and pay attention if there's chairs for us to sit in, and if there's not, then maybe you go ask the hostess or host. Could you please find a chair without arms or whatever the person needs it's. I know it sounds stupid, but people trust thin people more than they trust fat people for some bullshit reason. But it's just the. It's just the truth right now. And, um, it's nice that someone else can jump in for us. It's not always us just trying to defend ourselves. So, yeah, that was a great episode and reagan always gives us good tactics for dealing with the shitheads at our holiday parties. Yeah, and just the work that she's doing for the medical community to re-educate and talk about all the things that keep the anti-fatness going in that culture and field. So it's exciting to see that she's you know field. So it's exciting to see that she's you know, gaining more opportunities to educate and share. So that was really cool.

Speaker 1: 22:21

We had Grim on the gothic psychic doula fat liberationist. She does it all. She is just. I want to be Grim when I grow up. Hell, yeah, damn.

Speaker 1: 22:34

And then we had our fat round table with other podcasting friends and I think we've got some people that are going to come back in 2025 and have a kind of another recap and decide with our predictions of what we want to have happen in 25. If they're going to end up coming to fruition yeah, ronald said he's very much interested in coming back on. And let's talk some more about Ozempic and all the-. Oh, yeah, all the Simigultu, whatever the hell they're called GLP-1s. Yeah, isn't it funny.

Speaker 1: 23:03

I was just thinking about Reagan and the stuff about medical anti-fatness and the kink world how they have some things in common, like we need more accommodations. The kink world's ahead of the medical world. They're already making accommodations for us and I know I say this a lot, but we're 70% of the population. We are the majority. Could everybody start accommodating us please? Right, yeah, oh, that would be delightful. Yeah, yeah. But yeah, it was really fun that we had both hosts from Fat Infect and then we had Ronald on the show and his podcast is Wait For it with W-E-I-G-H. And yeah, it was a great talk. I can't wait for everybody to listen to it.

Speaker 1: 23:41

Yeah, it was a great year. We did talk about, you know, social influencers and how things have changed. We talked a little bit about just the Bridgerton sex craze and fat bodies that they determined were fat bodies in that episode Worthy of being sexy. Yeah, yeah, exactly. And we also talked to the Full Figured Industry Awards. Yes, it was a great year. You were nominated again. Yeah, that was nice.

Speaker 1: 24:08

You know one thing I forgot to mention about what happened the things that happened in 2024, you know one thing I forgot to mention about what happened the things that happened in 2024. We can't forget the Oprah live show. Oh yeah, with the fat activists and her apologizing, with her special Oprah apology. Really, it wasn't exactly what I would have loved to have heard, but she's making progress, you know. That's all you can do, I guess, is hope for everybody to make some more progress. But, yeah, I remember Katie Starino. She's a fat activist and she was on the show with them too and she was great and it seems like she's been educating and she was educating that she's no longer the CEO of Weight Watchers but the woman that was the CEO who was on the show. They got connected because Katie did a whole thing about Weight Watchers. Again, nothing's changed, it's the same, it's just you have to have different packaging.

Speaker 1: 24:57

And then the Weight Watchers people, they kind of apologized as well. And then they did the live show and Oprah kind of apologized. And that was in May and that was a big thing. It wasn't perfect, but it was something, and I haven't followed up. Has Weight Watchers lived up to their statement that they made? I don't think so. I don't know. I can't say for sure, but I try really hard to ignore them. Yeah, I haven't heard anything that's like oh, hey, we would know. Yeah, they're making do on their promise to us. No, they're just prescribing Ozempic nowadays. So that's the thing.

Speaker 1: 25:30

As soon as they started carrying this I saw the press release about them carrying and you know, share, selling the shots and stuff I was like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, here we go. You know people think it's the magic, whatever you want to call it, the magic thing to help you become thin. Yeah, but we know now that once you've been on it more than two years, yeah, it's not working that great because you can't stop taking it right. So if you ever stop taking it, then I'm assuming you're going to get your weight back Right and I think that probably has been the most influential thing of 2024 is these GLP ones, and I'm so sad that it's brought back diet culture Like we were making such good headway.

Speaker 1: 26:17

We were really starting to have the conversation of what anti-fatness means and to have that come and just be explosive. I mean, people are dying for it, people are getting like permanently disabled for it. Um, when it's unnecessary, it it's. They don't have diabetes, they don't need that medication. You're using it off brand, which I understand. Lots of medications are used off brand certain things, but for weight loss specifically, I don't it. It shouldn't be packaged as a medical thing. It's too bad. This medication is being so villainized too, because it is an amazing drug for diabetics, which is whom they was created for, and it really does help them to reduce their insulin or stop taking insulin altogether and bring their A1Cs down. But then it got perverted by the celebrity culture, who all decided they were going to have ozetic parties to lose their last 10 pounds or whatever bullshit. Um, yeah, then the diabetic people couldn't get it and people were dying over that. It's like all for vanity, right it? Just that was a big bummer for 2024.

Speaker 1: 27:27

Also. How about doesn't it kind of prove that it's really not within our, it's our genetic code, right? Like you can't, you can't, just you, I guess? You right, you can diet all you want and try to keep the weight off, but as soon as you stop doing that, we all know now that the weight's going to come back. It's like, isn't that kind of further proving that concept that, no, it's not within our ability to just change the shape of our bodies? Our bodies are. We have a genetic code that makes determines the size of our body, right? Isn't that more evidence of that? Oh, absolutely. But our culture is so contrarian to that entire process. It's just, it's like, well, how did trump get into office? You know, it's like every person can be like, look at the evidence here. You know, yeah, yeah, yeah, yucko.

Speaker 1: 28:14

I was also very excited this year about the your Fat Friend documentary. That was rough. I mean, it's so beautiful. But I'm sure for everybody that's fat or have been fat since the third grade, like me, you can relate to a lot of the touch points in that movie. It's boy. I felt so seen and so sad. I watched it on my 42nd birthday and I just was like sobbing at certain points, because it was just so amazing to see someone else being so vulnerable, who looks like me, and have that story told and it was so personal.

Speaker 1: 28:54

I think I expected when I went into that movie or that documentary that like I was going to be watching just you know, the professional side of her life and not the personal side, and she really opened the door to like the family dynamics and the comments that were made and it was so incredible to see her parents learn and some of them tried to adapt and change. Some of them didn't do so well with that but by the end of it you were like, well, there's progress to be made, there's things that are moving in the right direction and she, she's really, um, she's like my biggest hero, like I just fucking love her. It was very, uh, intense and yeah, her, all her things with her family definitely brings up all the old stuff that all of us probably dealt with all the microaggressions that we grew up with and having to dress like a professional when I was 10 because there was no clothes for me, all that stupid shit. And yeah, even when our parents are trying their hardest to do the best, there's some missteps, right for all of us and I know my mom didn't mean to hurt me in any way, but all the diets, you know which is what they do. Still, you know people, women or people in their 70s they don't feel like they're in control unless they're controlling their diet. So it's like I know that's how they've been acculturated and you know my mom never wanted to harm me but you know some of that did and I'm still working through the trauma and that movie really pointed that out. I was like, oh, hurt my heart, yeah, yeah, that's so needed to be shared. You know those stories aren't often told. And for her to be so vulnerable with that and talk about how the vitriol that she experiences, you know, like how people were trying to dox her and like coming after her just because she was speaking out about like hey, I'm a fat person and I deserve to live my life without harassment, and that she experienced that much more harassment just for saying that Like it reminds me a lot of the harassment that Regan Chastain used to receive and I think she still does People coming to her Ironman, to her Iron man races, where they're like, fatty, you can't finish Iron man, all that kind of shit. A lot of it. Similar happened to Aubrey.

Speaker 1: 31:07

Have you listened to the maintenance phase of the Richard Simmons episodes? Yes, childhood coming back to me, right, I didn't realize so much stuff in his life was just, yeah, speaking of people who should never have children. His parents maybe were the two of those people. Yeah, and and just the trauma and yeah, it was a lot. I, you know, I think you see a lot of that just in general when people are so like I, you know, I want to be in control of all of this and I want to have you know the say it's amazing how off the rails you can get Boy. Did they go off the rails with him? And also, I think his queerness really had a lot of impact on a lot of that stuff and it was really. I mean, if you're queer and you think it's hard now, imagine what it was like in the 70s and 80s for Richard, who didn't really want anybody to know that he was queer and that's heartbreaking. Yeah, that he felt like he had to hide that, especially towards the end of his life. The hearing about what happened towards the end was like, oh, like that's just a sad way to go out. Yeah, you could tell he was a good human. He was just misdirected and some things about weight and like, like a lot of us.

Speaker 1: 32:22

But, um, another good thing that happened this year is with michelle buteau. She's got a second season of, uh, survival of the survival of the fattest, survival of the fittest what is it fittest? Fittest, yeah, I want it to be. Should be, survival of the fattest, it should be. I know it's a great show. I love her. I'm sad that somewhere a bridget everett show is going to go away after their third season.

Speaker 1: 32:39

But, yeah, excited for michelle buteau and and michelle was, uh, she just was the first, this is the first black female to sell out. Um, is it madison square garden or is it the radio city music hall, shit, either one. Wow, yeah, I don't remember, but she was like she just finished her special there and so I think it comes out next year. But, yeah, like, so incredible I I'm, I love everything that she is in and effort towards. She's just so clever and smart and funny and uh and gorgeous, yeah, she's so beautiful. Her comedy is very nuanced until you get to the punchline. That is like laugh out loud, laugh your ass off. Funny, yes, absolutely. Like she just builds a little step, step, step, bam. Oh, my god, I'm killing me. She's amazing.

Speaker 1: 33:34

I'd have to wear a mini pad if I went to go see her in person, because I'm sure I would pee in my pants. Yeah, absolutely, just from the show, like there were so many moments where I was just like chuckling so hard I was like, okay, I should pause so I can go pee Exactly, that's my problem. I wish they made some of those undies that are supposed to help you when you pee a little bit larger for people with big booties, huge booties like mine. We need a wider gusset. Folks like come on, we're period panties, but in a wider gusset. Yeah, yeah, exactly all, the, all the panties. Just make them with a wider gusset for us, if people are size 12 or over, we need, we need a large, larger gusset, please. It just makes sense. You know, yeah, I don't want my shibinga, you know, falling off the side of my undies, exactly Most of the time I don't anyway. And we want the same fabrics and the same colors and styles as everybody else. Like, give us cute underwear with big gussets. I know you can do it.

Speaker 1: 34:33

Besides, there's a couple other things I want to mention about 2024. No-transcript, and they both. Fat con philly already happened again this year and then fat con in seattle is going to happen again in january 31st 2025. I, I can't wait. Yeah, tell everybody what you're going to be doing there. I'm going to be giving a talk on hot sex for fat folks and I'm going to be demonstrating not, my test sounds weird. I'm going to be showing off some sex toys.

Speaker 1: 35:30

Nice, when I used to do sex toy parties, people say, oh, hey, I heard you do sex parties. Oh, actually, no, I do sex toy parties, not sex parties. I mean, no, I do sex toy parties, not sex parties. I mean I could come to your sex party with my sex toys, but no, I don't do sex parties, right. But yeah, I'm gonna show off some, really some of these great products that we love and products that were designed for our bodies, like the um doggy style, plus size, doggy style strap made by sports sheets, and all the great toys that we've been discovering through womanizer and we vibe and and Satisfyer.

Speaker 1: 35:57

And yeah, we're going to talk all about it and how to use it, how to have more fun in your sex life and how to expand your horizons in your sex life, because it does get tedious when you have sex with the same person for 20 years or more, right, no, and I love that you're doing that, but also that FatCon wants that kind of content, because this is our podcast. We talk about fat sex, we want everybody to have that conversation, and so, being in a venue where you can say this is normal, let's talk about all the things that we can have pure enjoyment about, that's the shit. 100%. Yes, I think that's about all I can think of of that. I could thought. I know a lot of stuff happened last year, good and bad. Is there anything else that I missed that we should cover or talk about? No, I think you covered pretty much everything that I would say was big, like influential, yeah, for the year kind of stuff.

Speaker 1: 36:51

Um, what are you thinking about for 2025? Like, what are you? What are you hoping for what? What do you want, like for your body? More, better clothes. Not that I'm a clothes horse, but man, it's really.

Speaker 1: 37:04

It's thin pickings out there. I just need some better pants. Why is it so hard to find good pants? I mean, I get them from Catherine's a lot of times. I used to buy them from Lane Bryant, but Lane Bryant's been a big disappointment. The last couple of for me, katherine's is fine, but they just fall apart so easily and you know I'm rough on my pants, no doubt you know I'm a size 30, 28, 30 pant and I, you know I do. I work all day long in them, so I know it's tough, but gosh, can't they find something better? Yeah, I don't know. That's something we can actually like fit different styles of fat bodies. Thank you, I just don't get it. It's like y'all you know that there's different types. Like what are we doing here? Yeah, and the quality, like you said. Just, it's a. I have to pay two times the amount for it and then it's obliterated in half the time. Fat tax yeah, exactly times the amount for it and then it's obliterated in half the time. Fat tax yeah, exactly.

Speaker 1: 38:02

I've been researching, you know, um, t-shirts to make, because I want to have like a merchant merch store selling our t-shirts and stuff like my shirt that says glorifying obesity, yeah, and um, it's so hard to find shirts over 7x and you know, of course there's extra small and small and medium and large and extra large, but then once you get to 1x, you people, mostly a lot of these brands stop at 3X and they say that they're inclusive. But I want to have like 7, 8, 10, 11, 12. Like, I want to have whatever size people need. But once you get, most of the time, if you want to buy a 6X, you're going to have the male cut. You're going to get the male cut, you're going to get the male shoulders, the boxiness you know. And then, um, I want a v-neck. I don't know about you, but I can't stand a crew neck. Yeah, that's it.

Speaker 1: 38:42

Like, I want the variety, I want the baseball tee, I want the v-neck, I want the tank top, I want the same fucking options that every other person in the united states, in the world to get and not have to fucking pay double the amount. That sounds like the first sentence of my new website, which is I just want all the things that all the thins have. Is that that difficult, since we are the fucking majority? But, yeah, just like. Why does that be so difficult? And also, then they're like there is the fat tax.

Speaker 1: 39:11

So when I try to buy shirts that are 7x, it's going to be double the price of that, but 2x and you know which is probably double the price of the extra small. It's so annoying and it's the first shit to go when you go to the store, like people go to the brick and mortar and buy blah, blah, blah. Okay, well, they carry 3x. Guess what? 3x is the first thing. That's fucking gone. Yep, but we've got 40 extra smalls. You want to just like stitch them together like what the fuck? Oh, and people have done I've even done that we've switched two things together to make especially costumes like oh, costumes. A whole other thing it's really hard to get plus size costumes above a 3x. Yes, that fit in any kind of way. That covers like your ass.

Speaker 1: 39:53

And not not all fat girls have big boobs, right? Not not all fat girls have big butts. Some of us fat girls have big butts. Some of us have big tummies, some of us don't. Some of us have big butts and flat tummies. We're all sizes and please, please, give that some consideration, because I know people who have smaller butts. They buy a bra and it's like the boob cups are sticking out 10 miles and they're like, yeah, I'm filling a B cup in here. That sucks, it's not fair. Yeah, I agree, bras are another whole thing. Shit, that's bad. Yeah, the bras. And there's also foundations people trying to find a foundation for their wedding dresses. Oh, I wish somebody would get into that industry and just make it so that people who get married and they want to wear a dress can and not feel like they they're falling out of it or whatever. It's kind of a mess.

Speaker 1: 40:39

But what about you, murph? What do you want for yourself in 2025? So, um, I'm finishing, or I'm in the middle of my electrolysis um journey, oh, yeah, yeah. So I'm, I'm hopeful that, um, I will have a smooth, uh, chin and neck neck by the end of 2025, you know, without having to go in every month. At least, you know, be at like a quarterly type basis or something like that. So, murph, why don't you tell everybody that you have PCOS and all the hair stuff? Yeah, so I have polycystic ovarian syndrome, which is PCOS, and endometriosis, and polycystic ovarian syndrome is basically where you get cysts on your ovaries, but it's usually caused because there's a hormonal imbalance and so I have a lot more testosterone than the average female does.

Speaker 1: 41:35

So, um, I produce like chin hair and like like a beard, like, um, guys do, and so, um, and there's all kinds of other things that go with that, but that's one of the most annoying um, because it's it's painful, like I get um ingrown hairs there and you have to shave all the time or pluck, and you're not supposed to pluck, and so I had always been interested in electrolysis but basically I didn't have the money and so I've put it off and put it off and put it off, and my husband actually found a person to get his ears done because he was like I don't want to be one of those old men with the hair, you know, coming out like. So he started doing it and I started going to them because they're not far away and, um, it's been really great. So I'm hoping to have yeah, I'm hoping to have smooth chin, chin and neck.

Speaker 1: 42:28

One of the things that go along with pcos is insulin resistance, pcos. Pcos makes people fat. Being fat doesn't cause PCOS. Just want to clarify people because there's a lot of misinformation out there. But when you have PCOS, you're likely to have some weight gain because of the fucking hormonal imbalance. It's not the other way around, which is why I try to tell people if you want to troll fat people, how about first you go? Hey, I wonder if that person has a disease. I wonder if that person has some kind of disorder, I wonder why that person's fat. It's not just because we're sitting around eating fucking bonbons. Okay, a lot of times there's other things that create our fatness. So chill out, brad.

Speaker 1: 43:05

Yeah, it makes me think of that quote in the your Fat Friend film where Aubrey basically says you shouldn't look at the fat people and think that they're a failure. You should be looking at the fat people and being like I can't even imagine the amount of trauma that individual has experienced trying to lose weight. Because there's not a single fat person that you've met that hasn't done some sort of diet to try to change their body. Because we're constantly told that our bodies need to be eradicated Amen, sister, that our bodies need to be eradicated. Amen, sister. So I just that's one of the things that you know. It's been something that's bothered me basically my entire since puberty life and it's something that you know I'm hoping that I'll get some relief from.

Speaker 1: 43:54

I do too, and as an electrologist, griff and I are not in the same city, otherwise I would be treating her extra hair. I always say your extra hair. I'm in the business of removing people's extra hair. I don't care where it is If it's not, as long as it's not inside of your nose or inside of your ear canal, I can remove it, and I do mean everywhere and I do treat a lot of people in all kinds of different places. But a lot of my clients are women with PCOS, people who are born assigned female at birth and then, especially if they want to transition, that can get tricky, but it's tricky for everybody who has extra facial hair, extra hair anywhere. And the cool thing about electrology is it's permanent. The bad thing about electrology is it's expensive and here in the Bay Area we don't have enough electrologists so I'm booked out six months.

Speaker 1: 44:36

But it's a very important part of our industry is that we're here to help out people with PCOS because it's really common. And it seems to be really common in the Black community because I notice all my Black clients that are female all have PCOS. I don't know why, but that sucks. It's a very prevalent issue. That hasn't really. You know, we've talked a little bit about this last year or this year, about how you know the industry doesn't examine women. You know, like we are uterus and have those experiences and just are like well, I guess this is normal, not, hey? Maybe that should be studied, because maybe that's not normal. And the cool thing is sort of the tip of the iceberg, but I'm starting to hear women who are getting reimbursed for the astrology, that have PCOS, like people who are transitioning, because that is, you know, it's basically their diagnosis is gender dysphoria. There's other ones too, but that's the main one. And then people who have PCOS also have gender dysphoria in a way, but they're being reimbursed in some of the cities now and I'm excited to see if we can get that to happen everywhere, because my clients are coming to see me, sometimes two years, and it's a lot of money and a lot of time. Time is money and I would love for everybody to be able to get reimbursed. It's just, it's only fair, absolutely amazing. Yeah, very cool.

Speaker 1: 46:07

The other thing that I'm really interested in in 2025 is spending some time getting a bit more adventurous sexually with my body, like going to the BDSM class, learning about Shibari and trying it out. Potentially, you know, having other partners. Like there's, there's a lot there that I really kind of want to just look into and explore. Hell, yeah, that's the right attitude, merv. I mean, why not try everything once and again? As long as everybody's consenting, you're leaving animals and kids out of it. Get down with your bad self. There's no wrong way to do it, really, as long as everybody's consenting, and I think, why the hell not try at all? Right, I mean, I want to try everything too, all of it.

Speaker 1: 46:55

I'm greedy, and that's what makes you have the best sex life is when you get very greedy and you make it all about you. Yes, the greeter you get, the more fun you have Both of your partners and everybody else. Both you and your partner will have much more fun if you get greedy about your own pleasure. That makes me so happy when women tell me they're doing that. Men too, but mostly women, mostly women, yeah, yeah. So that's what I'm looking forward to.

Speaker 1: 47:19

Sounds like a good year. Let's make this a good year for sure. I'm excited to have a lot more episodes next year and all kinds of great topics and guest speakers. And, yeah, if you can think of anything that you'd like us to talk about, please email us at bigsexychatpod at gmailcom. And what else? Murph, like, subscribe, share, share, give us a review, um, but definitely tell your friends because, um, and tell your skinny friends, like, have a conversation about how this could be helpful to the fat community. Just understanding the plight of the fat person as a skinny person, yeah, and let's let the world know that you get to have hot sex too, and fat people are sexual beings as well, and we all deserve pleasure and all of our bodies are capable of pleasure, and where there's a will, there's a way. Exactly, all right. Well, see you later, alligator, after a while. Crocodile.