Big Sexy Chat Podcast
Big Sexy Chat: 2 Rad Fatties Unapologetically Sitting Around Chewing the Fat!
Current Events, Hot Topics, Viewer Questions, and Vibe of the Week. Fat Politics, TV Shows with fat characters, ditching diet culture, #sexnotdiets, sex, sex toys, relationships, mental wellness, sex toy reviews, cannabis, cbd, medical fatphobia, glorifying fat bodies, movies, current events, hot topics, fashion, lingerie, Black Lives Matter, and pretty much anything under the big fat sun! Email: bigsexychatpod@gmail.com
Big Sexy Chat Podcast
Unsupervised Shenanigans With Merf And Asherlee
Chrystal’s out, which means Merf and Asherlee are left unsupervised—and naturally, chaos ensues. But beneath the laughter, we get real. We talk about fat liberation, therapy fails, the touch-deprivation epidemic, and how cuddle therapy can be healing AF. Plus, Asherlee opens up about launching a fat-friendly medical provider directory in the Pacific Northwest, her journey into cuddle therapy, and her newest adventure: relationship coaching. Spoiler alert: it’s all about connection. Also… pulverized clits? You just gotta listen.
In this episode, we discuss:
- Fat liberation in healthcare spaces
- How cuddle therapy became a calling
- The ethics and boundaries of professional platonic touch
- Creating a fat-positive medical provider directory
- Asherlee’s path to relationship coaching
- The wild new version of the magic wand
- Why touch, intimacy, and connection are revolutionary
Hosts:
🎤 Merf (co-host)
🎤 Asherlee (co-host and chaos bringer)
Links Mentioned:
🔗 River Rose Cuddle Cottage
📧 Email us: bigsexychatpod@gmail.com
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Twitter (who knows how long we will stay there) is BigSexyChatPod
Check out our merch at www.BigSexyTees.com (credit to Toni Tails for setting this up for us!)
Chrystal also sells sex toys via her website BlissConnection.com and you can use the code BSC20 for 20% off.
Big thanks to our Sponsor Liberator Bedroom Adventures. We ADORE the products from Liberator. And, to be clear, we all loved their products even before they became a sponsor!
Hi, welcome to Big Sexy Chat. I'm Crystal, I'm Murph. We're just two rad fatties sitting around chewing the fat Twice a month. We'll be chatting about current events hot topics sex, sex toys, fat politics, fat community cannabis, cbd you name it. We're going to talk about it. We are very excited to have you a part of our community. Welcome and enjoy.
Speaker 3:Hi, welcome to Big Sexy Chat. My name's Crystal and I'm here with my fabulous co-host, Merv Sayimer. Hi.
Speaker 2:Wait, you're not Crystal, oh.
Speaker 3:I'm not. No, I'm not. I'm Asher Lee, you're right. You're right, I'm not Crystal. Crystal is out today because she's got some stuff she's got to deal with, so you and I are going to play.
Speaker 2:Oh, that's dangerous.
Speaker 3:This never worked out well for the audience. They're going to love it.
Speaker 2:It's fantastic.
Speaker 3:This is a very serious episode. Yes, we're very serious people, murph. Incredibly serious, very serious. I'm probably the most serious, the mostest At this age. I just don't think that I would cut them to a life less than serious. I can't park her posy, I can't do it.
Speaker 2:Oh, I can do the um. Oh, what is it? She says Piper. Oh sorry, no, piper, no, hurry, the best booty oh it's so good, all right.
Speaker 3:So welcome to Big Sexy Chats, hey Ashley.
Speaker 2:Thanks for filling in for Crystal. I know that there's a lot going on, but we're helping out and always you know, always there to lend an ear and we get that that kind of stuff happens and the great thing is that we are a trio and can step in and help the others out when other stuff's happening.
Speaker 3:That's what's great about frepples right.
Speaker 2:That's right.
Speaker 3:Can't be everything for everybody. It's fine. I got you, you've got me, she got we. It's cool, all good. So today we are going to talk about a couple things. Um one, I want to talk about talk that you gave. I want to talk about your talk, talk about your talk, and then I know there's some stuff you wanted to talk about yeah, which was uh, we want to talk about huddle college I was thinking, cuddling and um the process of all of that.
Speaker 2:I think you know if we can go into your coaching, that would be really cool, okay, okay and then, uh, another cool thing is the pacific northwest-friendly medical directory that's being created.
Speaker 3:There's lots of things to talk about. You can find things. They're very serious actually. This is just. We're going to take very serious things and make them not so serious.
Speaker 2:The existential barrier has set in. So right now we're just going to delulu and make it churlulu, right, absolutely, right, absolutely.
Speaker 3:There's only so much, there's only so much weight I couldn't hold my bones and tired Real I need, I need some silly, because there's just too much right now. Yeah, so yeah.
Speaker 2:So be silly with her. Which, exactly which one, you want to start with first?
Speaker 3:How about? You go, I go, you go.
Speaker 2:Okay, that sounds good. Qualified health center that covers a large portion of the Bay Area and a little bit into Sacramento. Services for medical, behavioral health, all low income. And they have just joined basically as a large, maybe became a larger company. Sorry, because they joined forces. Basically they were two different federally qualified health centers and they became one, and that's happening a lot right now because health care is consolidating. Has it passed? Yeah, and that's like what's happening. That's so terrible so, but they're both two great organizations, they're working things out. That's so terrible so, but they're both two great organizations, they're working things out. Everything's been great. So they asked me to come and speak to their staff in their series on humility for different cultural things. So, cultural humility series come talk about your experience, talk a topic, whatever it may be. So I was invited to come speak about fat liberation that's crazy.
Speaker 3:So the fact that you had, first of all, that you got invited to speak at this is so cool. Congratulations thank you but, then like but then the fact that you managed to sneak fat liberation in this I love that's real good. So like, how Did you talk to them about it ahead of time? Like, how did you?
Speaker 2:So this came about because I'm in a leadership cohort right now and I became really good friends and she's in my local cohort because we're in the same region and she has a job very similar to mine and so she basically was going with me on a trip down to the seminar and I was fat shamed on an airline and she got to see that process happen and she asked me about it and so it kind of became this discussion.
Speaker 2:Well, then on the way back it happened again and she was just like we got to have this talk like what is happening, and I was like this is a completely normal experience for someone that looks like me. And so we had this really fantastic conversation on the plane ride home about fat liberation. And so she was like would you be willing to come and talk to our organization about your experience and teach on the topic basically of what is it and how do you experience and how do you recognize it and how do you then address it in a healthcare setting as well as just as like a helper in the community of fatness? So that was really my kind of 101 on fat liberation and my personal experience my kind of 101 on fat liberation and my personal experience.
Speaker 3:That's amazing. Did a lot come out of it? I mean, I know that you've had other talks in leadership type of positions before. That really went well for you. How did this one go? Because I don't know that. I've heard how they took it. Because I know that can be very.
Speaker 2:Yeah, took it because I know that can be, that can be very. Yeah, um, it was. You know it was a during a um, a time where people can take a break, you know. So, um, I don't know, it wasn't a mandatory training for the entire staff, but I think there was like 50 people there, um, which was pretty significant. 40 to 50 people, um, I think, off and on some people kind of dipped out and that sort of thing that always happens. So that was pretty exciting.
Speaker 2:But a lot of good conversation. In the comments, you know, gave examples, so I, you know, I asked for them to participate and they shared their own personal examples. We talked about what they experienced in the workplace and what are kind of like the key components to addressing that, and a lot of them were like I didn't even realize that I said those types of things. Somebody wrote, you know, I really appreciate you having this conversation because it's one that I've experienced at this organization. It's one that I've experienced at this organization and, you know, I'm really grateful that this organization would even address this topic as a cultural humility issue.
Speaker 3:I don't think that a lot of people realize how invasive it is and how much it's just, it's everywhere, it's not I mean the thing thing like it's with anything else, right. A lot of people in society didn't realize that there are certain words we don't say until, all of a sudden, people brought attention to maybe we shouldn't say those words and maybe we shouldn't be thinking those things and maybe like, until we challenge those norms, right, like nobody even thinks about it, it's just accepted because that's what it is.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's not. It's not their experience to have that kind of consistent discrimination.
Speaker 3:Yeah, which I mean great Congratulations. I'm glad you don't have to deal with it all the time, but for those who do, I think the fact that you're bringing your, the fact that you've gotten the opportunity to help bring light to some of this and be such a voice in the shadows of this, is such a cool thing, because no one else you know, like when else would it have happened? Maybe somebody would have said something, and I know that there are areas where more and more people are starting to speak up and speak out about it. It's hard and there's a lot of shame and there's stigma and there's, you know, I mean it's still and it's everywhere, in every profession, across everywhere.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and the interesting thing is that when people don't feel like, oh, I didn't experience that, you know it's like, that's fine, you don't have to experience it, but you need to acknowledge that that has happened for somebody else and that that is their experience of it. And a lot, of, a lot of that kind of goes back to impact versus intent.
Speaker 3:Yeah, like doesn't matter, if you didn't intend to do something, you still created an impact and you have to acknowledge that that has happened yeah, well, and it's hard, you know, nobody wants to be in trouble, nobody likes feeling like they did something wrong, and owning up to that really is such a basis for growth and understanding of not just other people but ourselves. Speaking of like intent and all of that, this made me wonder, because I mean, I know therapists that I've interacted with and I know things that I wish that therapists would do differently, but I also haven't experienced a ton of it professionally. What do you think that like other? Like, if you could talk to every therapist in the country, what would you want them to know about fat liberation and what would you want them to do differently? Like in all of these things, like in all of these talks, what's the thing that you'd want them to do?
Speaker 2:naturally, how much time do we have? I would say, like, the key things that I would want them to take away is that everybody's body should just be accepted Like it. We need to make things accessible to everyone, and why are we resisting that? And if you are resisting that, I really want you to think about that, because what does it matter? Like I, me, existing should not impact you. Existing, you know, in any sort of way related to my size or your size. So that's what I want them to, like, really impart on their clientele is that everybody has worth to.
Speaker 2:You know, perpetuate this idea of like, oh well, you're keeping your schedule, that's great. You're, you know, exercising, you know kind of a lot, but not really addressing the topic. Or, you know, maybe, listening to somebody talk down about their body in session and not stopping the session and addressing it. There's a lot of things that, especially some of the older therapists you know they've gone through diet culture they say and do things that are not so great. So I was thinking about that. I was thinking about religious counselors, like those folks, you know, look at things a lot differently too, and so it's it's hard to say, like, these are the things that the therapists really need to take away about fat liberation, because it's like a human right, like we should all be able to just exist.
Speaker 2:That part is like a long winded like, but that's really what I want to impart. Like there's little things, there's nuanced things, but that's the thing. Pay attention to the fact that everybody deserves to have a body yeah well, and exist in their body as they are.
Speaker 3:And sure, it's okay if people want to improve, but that doesn't have to look the same for everybody and improvement doesn't have to mean a smaller body. Improvement can mean loving the body you're in understanding the body, you're in accepting the body you're in. I mean a lot of right we all. It takes so much. There is. The world is heavy, right. There is so much going on all the time right now, and we have. There are so many.
Speaker 3:First of all, there are so many people to hate. Already we have to hate ourselves too. It's just like too much. It's too much, but like it's just too much. Like it's like we're, we're told to do all these things right. We have to love ourselves but work on ourselves constantly. We have to accept ourselves, but ourselves are never really great enough.
Speaker 3:You know, I mean there's, there's always somebody who thinks that our body is too big, too small too, this too, that too short, too fat too, whatever your face isn't isn't right. Your lips aren't perfect, your boobs aren't big enough, your ass isn't round enough, your thighs are too big. Oh, my God, your feet don't touch. Oh, my God, your arm jiggles, big, round belly. I mean, it's just constant. There's always this constant noise and we all have bodies. They don't have to be perfect bodies. They don't have to be perfect. They don't have to be anything other than exactly what they are. I hate. I hate that we can't. Just, we have spent so much time and so much money and so much energy trying to fix something that isn't even broken yeah, but we're told it and we buy the message and we've seen what buying the message does.
Speaker 2:It just it literally like these are the things that are keeping you from really being able to move forward, and that's what I would want to impart upon therapists is like you just have to accept that all bodies are bodies and everyone deserves to feel neutral about their body, because it shouldn't be this standard of like this or that, or you got to do this or what. It's whatever you have and whatever you want to do with it, right. So it's just like you're not going to move further in any sort of real discussion about bodies or weight or any of the diet, culturally, wellness, aging, you know all the things sagging, you know it's like fuck.
Speaker 3:Well, and how much more effort, how much more energy would we have to work on I don't know Problems of the world If we weren't so focused on that shit all the time?
Speaker 2:And that messaging wasn't brought up like literally force fed to you your entire life.
Speaker 3:Right, I can't tell you how many times I've thought about how different life like like my kids, right, they, I mean sure they've still, you know, they've had to go through identity things and figuring out who they are and body dysmorphia and different things that they've had to work through, but it hasn't been this like all encompassing thing.
Speaker 3:Their size hasn't mattered for them. Their like, their looks haven't entirely mattered for them beyond their own preferences and they get to like focus on other things. But for me, I remember growing up like my body was a big issue, though, like always my whole life. Up until a certain point it was like what I looked like, who I was going to marry, like my whole life was about whether I could get a guy. So I never had space to think, oh my God, I could do something, I could be something other than a fucking wife, a mom. That wasn't an option for me when I was younger and like I didn't have the space for that. But if we got to grow up thinking we can look however we fucking want to look, our bodies are going to be what they're ever going to be. We can do whatever we want to do.
Speaker 2:We can have the power to empower and we can make a fucking difference right, but he's too stuck in it and yeah it, it's a snake eating its own tail. I mean, really, it's that's what it is, and when you can step away and recognize that, that's, that's invaluable.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and look at that, you are actually getting to help people think about this stuff.
Speaker 2:Yeah, like people who wouldn't normally.
Speaker 2:And that's why I was so nervous to do it, Cause it was just like this topic means so much to me, Like you could talk to me about behavioral health in California and I'd just be able to be like and probably sound like an expert and you know like. But this I was like, this is really important. What messaging can I get across that is going to resonate with these people so that they get it and, even if they don't accept it, that they now have heard it and recognize that it is a problem and that it is something that needs to be looked at, as dealing with discrimination, for anti-fatness is unacceptable, especially in the workplace.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I hope that you get to have more talks like that, especially where you're doing a thing where you're really making them question the way that they see something and the way that other people see something. Because, like, I think everyone needs the practice of empathy and everyone needs the practice of perspective. You know, like, if, if we grew up like they do in what greenland I think they have empathy classes If we grew up like they, do in Greenland.
Speaker 2:I think they have empathy classes. How different would our mental health be in this country? And our mental health providers? Even on my feed and um, it was about this person saying that I had a sex dream about my therapist and I told them and I got fired from therapy and I was like what? So then?
Speaker 3:I like. Okay, first of all, sex dreams don't actually mean you want to have sex with a person like that.
Speaker 2:Shouldn't make that uncomfortable, right, but especially a therapist. It should not make a therapist uncomfortable. That is really like it's really not uncommon. That's weird. It's clinical abandonment, like you can't just fire a patient because they said like that they're not threatening your life. And the person said I immediately like once you read the actual like story, it's like, oh my gosh, like this person was like I, I swear I don't have feelings for you and that it's just it happened. And I was. I usually tell you about my dreams and like I didn't think this would be a big deal and you said I could tell you anything. And yeah, I was just like, oh, this poor person like awful, I can.
Speaker 3:Actually I have a best friend who is very much that way, like he has crazy dreams and a therapist, and I can totally imagine that exact thing happening for him. And if he told me that I would go to the therapist myself and I would totally mama bear the situation and be like, listen, linda, we need to have a little bit of a conversation. You can't just abandon your clients. Right, it was dream. If you need help deciphering what that means and understanding what it means if your client has a dream like that, you and I can have a conversation. Maybe you need a therapist. Yeah, I was gonna.
Speaker 2:I was gonna say you don't need to be a therapist. Like plain and simple, so weird. I know that I just took us off on a crazy tangent, but sorry about that.
Speaker 3:No, you're totally fine. You know what? I hear all kinds of things Like I you know in a different therapy field myself. Yes, I hear so many things. Yeah, we can talk about it.
Speaker 2:So tell the story, Like start from the beginning, Like what were your thoughts, what were the things that kind of like brought this on? Wow, your new business, you know I was in the womb and I decided my spirit was going to be a cuddler. Okay, bitch.
Speaker 3:In the beginning I mean so I have, like I used to be a massage therapist, I've always been drawn to holistic healing in general, Like it's always been something that I love. That's not to say I am a science denier in any way. I believe in vaccines. I go to the doctor. Obviously my doctor was on the show with us Go back.
Speaker 2:You want to listen to that episode? Trust me.
Speaker 3:Right, yeah, no, go back and listen to Dr Robert's talking. It's amazing. Also, I've got a project I'm working on with him, so that the directory that I want to talk about I'm working on with him, so it's good stuff.
Speaker 3:We can jump to that and then come back, and I've always had a mind for different alternative healing practices in general, and I am also a very touchy, feely person. I love being able to give comfort when I the biggest thing is when I was really young, my great grandma I will always so. My great grandma was the person who taught me how to love, always were so. My great grandma was the person who taught me how to love Like. This is a sweet, happy moment. Sorry, guys, but she died of cancer forever ago. Crazy story. She said she wouldn't die, even though she had breast cancer, until I had a child, and she told me this when I was like 10. And at the time I was like that's silly great grandma, because I'm never going to have a kid. And then I had a kid and she died a year after I had a kid. She also never went to chemo. She never got treatment for her breast cancer. I don't, I don't, I don't know universe, but I know it's crazy. Um, but she taught me what love is and, um, she cause.
Speaker 3:She was in pain often. Um, she used to like I would. I would spend the night at her house a lot as a kid. She really saved me from a lot of stuff. But she would. She would come and she would sit in her little grandma chair at the end of the couch and she would. She would like be rubbing her hands and she would just kind of like I could tell that she was in pain and I was always like, are you okay? And she would go I'm just hurting.
Speaker 3:You know, your touch is always really healing and makes me feel so much better. Do you think you could just hold my hand and rub my hand? And I always I mean, it was the same conversation. It was like it would happen brand new every time, but I still did it. And so I would hold her hand and I would rub her hand, and she told me that if I would fix her lights like this white light, that it would help her feel better. And I did so. I would like picture this white light. I know this is kind of a tangent, but this is how it started. I started helping my grandma feel better just through touch as a child and then, as I got older, I learned that touch is really important. It's also something that our society is deprived of. 60% of the population is touch deprived. So as I got older I did a lot of things, but I got tired of doing things for other people. I did a lot for other people.
Speaker 3:Yes, tears at the end of every day, just being like I'm not making a difference. I've been a manager, I've worked in compliance, I've been a nonprofit CFO. I've done a lot of things and none of them made me happy, because I was doing these things for other people, but I was never making a difference, I was never making an impact, I was never healing anybody, I was never helping anybody in the way that I wanted to, in the way that felt like me. And so COVID hit and a couple of years went by and I just I kept thinking about the idea that cuddle therapy could work for me, like this could be a thing that would really be me, like it felt like a way that maybe I could do something. But it seemed so silly, right, because it's cuddling Like who's really going to go see a cuddle therapist? And like is that even really a thing? So after a bunch of research, I discovered it's totally a real thing and I went to school for it. I became an internationally accredited cuddle therapist, studying through Cuddle Professionals International, which is based out of the UK. They are wonderful. So if anybody here is interested in becoming a cuddle therapist, cuddle Professionals International and I learned so much from them.
Speaker 3:I mean I learned not just things that I already knew to some extent but that I really got to dive them. I mean I learned not just things that I already knew to some extent but that I really got to dive into, I mean just the chemicals like is released through cuddling and through touching the right ways to cuddle and touch somebody. Trauma-informed care. I went through a bunch of different training for that because I wanted to make sure that what I was doing was trauma-informed and I was actually paying attention to my clients and what they needed and able to help uphold boundaries, clarify boundaries, help people communicate you know their own personal boundaries and consent, and I mean there's so many things that go into it. But I learned all that through them. I started a business and yeah, I mean that's. That's the really, really long story.
Speaker 2:Oh my gosh, that's why I wanted you to share it as like a full story. I didn't know the grandma part. Uh, that was really. That was really awesome.
Speaker 3:I read a whole thing about it. Actually, I should probably share it more often, but I don't. But, yeah, yeah, you should yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so I have a cuddle therapist. Cuddle therapist. Tell me what a standard session may look like. Like you're setting up an appointment. Like what does that look like?
Speaker 3:Yeah Well, so it depends on the client and where I get where that, where the client comes from. So I've had some really interesting experiences as a call therapist. Maybe we should talk about those.
Speaker 3:I'm just saying now we're getting dangerous um, so the way that a session should look and does look when it's run the right way with the right people. Um, I, a client reaches out via either one of the networking accesses or my website. We do a discovery call. Um, so I spend about half an hour talking to the client about what their needs are. Um, if they have any trauma, that I should be aware of any boundaries that need to make sure. Like you know, I've got clients who maybe don't want their neck touched. I've got clients who they don't want their head touched. I've got clients who, specifically, can only be touched on their stomach. Um, just different things. I want to make sure that I understand a client's boundaries ahead of time. We talk about environment because I make sure that my space is very welcoming and accommodating and inclusive to everybody.
Speaker 2:So we talk about whether they like it hot, cold, what specific temperature they like, what kind of music they like because I do, I have sound, I have music playing all the time, unless they just want to talk can we just say go check out the website, because the pictures that you have of this cottage, this cottage I just want to lay in on like a 68, 69 degree day with a little breeze, you know, just chill, oh, it's work you got it with the website, so good it's.
Speaker 3:I mean, I built we. So we built this cottage from the ground up with pallets full on labor of love, and it is people, everybody who walks inside. Every single person has talked about how comfortable it feels, how warm and inviting it feels Like it's just comfy. The whole back wall, so like a full eight feet of this cottage that I built was meant to house a big fig mattress, because I wanted that. I wanted something that was going to fit every body and nobody does it like Big Fig. So I reached out to Big Fig. They're amazing. They hooked it up and so we have the whole back of the cottage is a Big Fig and every single person who gets on the bed they're like what kind of bed is this? And I'm like it's a big fig, big fig.
Speaker 2:It's so good, it's so comfy, I'm sorry you were saying that you get to pick all the lighting and the things. That's what got me oh, it's so gorgeous.
Speaker 3:I have to say that, um, yeah, okay, so we we go through. So, pre-discovery call we talk about everything. We talk about what needs are what, what you want to do, different cuddle positions. We talk about boundaries. We really just to get a feel also for energy, because some energy works, some energy don't. I mean, you know, as a therapist, right Like there are some clients or some therapists who are just not going to be, it's just not going to work, and I never want a client to come into the space and feel unwelcome, feel like they, you know, aren't well, they aren't happy there, they aren't comfortable there.
Speaker 3:So, yeah, so that's what the prediscovery call is for. And then after that a session gets scheduled and when they come in for the session, it's usually I ask right away how they feel about hugs, if they want to be welcomed with a hug, because everybody likes hugs. That come in usually, but there are people who don't. And so, um, really good hugs. Really I love hugs. I'm a big squishy teddy bear. That's like I got told. Actually, I had a session earlier this week and my client was like that's the best mom energy.
Speaker 2:I love it and having like the mom energy kind of thing might get you some clients that just want to like deal with the trauma that they had as a child and have like a mom figure, energy, vibe kind of situation with you.
Speaker 3:Yeah, or those who are going through a divorce and they don't have parents here and they just like need their mom, you know.
Speaker 2:Absolutely.
Speaker 3:It's definitely all about comfort.
Speaker 3:So yeah, so then they come in for their session. We greeted with a hug. I usually say all right, let's get cozy, whatever is going to make you comfortable. So clothing requirements are shorts and a t-shirt is the bare minimum. That is the least amount of clothing you can have on. But you can have on as much clothing as you like Shoes on, shoes off, socks on socks off, slippers on, does not matter.
Speaker 3:It's all about comfort, it's all about what makes somebody else comfortable. And then, if it's somebody who needs time to adjust, I have a little sitting area and so we'll like sit and talk and just kind of get comfortable. If it's somebody who's like most people don't, most people just want to plop on the bed and so like we just transition over to where the cuddle therapy happens and we start with breathing if they're anxious. If it's a repeat client, most of that doesn't need to happen, but I do have clients who have a lot of anxiety. So if that's the case, we do box breathing and a couple other different breathing techniques to try to help ground them and kind of get them soft. You know what I mean? Yep, get them comfortable, get them acclimated, get them feeling at ease yeah.
Speaker 3:So that way they can just actually relax. And then we I usually offer just a basic hold at first, like let me hold you, and then we kind of move through different positions. Some clients want like a weighted, blanket situation so they like have more of my body kind of holding them there. Some people want to just you know, spoon, big, spoon, little spoon. I do a lot of. I also have, like I do facial massage on people. I used to do massage, so like I have people like lay, you know, kind of on their backs towards me and then I do a facial massage and shoulder massage.
Speaker 3:It really just depends on the clients. Every session is a little bit different. I have clients who just want to be held and talk. I have clients who just want to be held and talk. I have clients who just want to not talk and be held. I've had a lot of different experiences but every session is different. There has not been a single thing that I can be like. This is what all sessions look like, because every single thing is about the client and what is going to make them comfortable and what they need. So some of them is just about letting them vent about the client and what is going to make them comfortable and what they need. So some of them is just about letting them vent about the day and just be in a space. It's being a space to listen. My job is I'm not like other therapists, so my job but it is to be present and comfort and nurture and heal through touch.
Speaker 2:Awesome, it's awesome and, like you mentioned, so needed, like can you imagine if these alpha bros you know actually had cuddle intimacy, like real, like cuddle intimacy? It would not be the situation that any of us are in. There's no intimacy, and I think that's the kind of and when I say intimacy I know people are like oh, sex, not talking about sex. We're going to say very, very emphatically this is not sex.
Speaker 3:This is platonic, fully platonic, exclusively platonic cuddling. There is nothing sexual about my cuddle therapy business Exactly cuddle therapy business Exactly River Rose Cuddle Cottage is specifically platonic. However, that is not always the case, so if you are somebody who has experienced a different type of cuddle professional, please understand that that is different than cuddle therapy. Please understand that there are other websites for that and if you are a provider offering, please stay on your car.
Speaker 2:Stay in your lane, bro name your lane, you'll have a corner.
Speaker 3:I'm not about the scarcity mindset. If anybody wants to be a cuddle therapist, a cuddle professional, do it. We need more touch in the world, but please stop offering client non-professional services under the guise of platonic cuddling, please. It really ruins things for the rest of us cuddling please.
Speaker 2:It really ruins things for the rest of us. Yeah Well, and it leads to word, you know, especially if somebody didn't pay attention to that on your website and just booked, just wanted to book, a session, and then you know that's the well, will you?
Speaker 3:do this Right? Yeah, or the first. I've definitely had within the first 10 minutes. So can we have sec. I've definitely had within the first 10 minutes. So can we have sex? Platonic, platonic, Platonic. I've also repeatedly told somebody platonic and had them be like so will you play with my nipples? And I'm like word of God, buddy, that's not platonic, friend, that's not no. You know what, like you know, professionally, I will touch here above your chest, I will touch here on your stomach, and that is the boundary that I have. That is where I'm willing to touch because, because I'm not doing anything sexual.
Speaker 2:My friend, you're a professional and professionals don't have sex with their clientele unless they are doing sex work Right, and cuddle therapy is not sex work.
Speaker 3:It's not, and if I was gonna, I would charge a lot more and then also not do it under the guise of something else. It's fine, everything's fine.
Speaker 2:I don't need to vent about it, it's fine, everything's fine, but that's my point, though it's important for people to understand. This is what I'm saying, though, is like cuddle therapy is intimacy. When we're in a culture that doesn't pay attention to the fact that there is sex, work, which is sex, and then intimacy, these are two different things, and so, until we have a culture that really understands that and values that, men like alpha male bro men that's what I'm talking about. That's a big fucking deal. Like that would change everything, and that's why the work you're doing is so important, because physical touch is healing.
Speaker 3:It's somatic therapy, like it is yeah, yeah, well, and it's needed like it's it's so. Even just the simplest form of it is so needed. We have this built-in. This is the thing about it. We have this built-in superpower that can actually help us release endorphins, help us release oxytocin, help us release like our brains react to the touch of another person, not just our own touch. But, yes, we can help create some stimulus for ourselves and we can help do some triggers through our own self massage and other stuff.
Speaker 3:However, it is not the same. When another person touches you, it helps release so many good, happy things and right now there's so much shit happening that we need every little bit of good we can get. So it's like stop, like we. We have this, have this tendency so many times.
Speaker 3:As people, we have the tendency to, when things are wrong, we turtle, we disappear, we hide because it's too much, because we're overwhelmed, because we're exhausted, because we feel like garbage, because we don't want to put the effort into looking nice, because we don't feel like we have to look a certain way to get out into society, because we don't have the energy to connect with another human being. But the reality is that we need those connections, we need that time touching and being around other people. We as a species are community driven. We as a species are community based and we do better as a community. We do better when we're together. I mean, there's reasons why you know broken heart syndrome is an actual thing and people die from it. People die from loneliness all the time, not just elderly people.
Speaker 2:Babies in their first couple of days, if they don't have physical touch, can die.
Speaker 3:Well, there was a study done in two orphanages, where there was one orphanage I'm sure you know about this right. There was one orphanage I'm sure you know about this right. There was one orphanage where the babies didn't have any physical contact aside from just very, very, very basic, and then another one where they were held and comforted anytime they needed it, and the kids that didn't have any comfort grew up so much more maladjusted than the other group of kids. It is so important. Touch is so important, and throughout our lives not just growing up, not just as babies we need that for the entirety of our lives.
Speaker 3:And so it's such a shame that we live in a society that we have had to become afraid of other people. We have had to become afraid of touching another person. We have been traumatized by being touched by other people because it's like the same thing that can heal us, can hurt us, and it is awful that that's the case. It is awful, but I mean that's why I'm doing what I want, why I'm trying to do this, because I believe that we can heal those things. I believe that we can heal those traumas and we can heal those bonds and we can help people make that better and I just absolutely I want it to be better.
Speaker 3:I want us to be better.
Speaker 2:Well, and I think, as a, as a culture, when we really do focus on intimacy and engagement and connection, like you were talking, we become a different society. Yeah, I also, um, want you to be able to talk a little bit, if you're willing to, about your counseling stuff.
Speaker 3:Yes, I have some really great friends, so I've always loved helping people, right. Obviously, I believe in all kinds of alternative things. I actually went to school for psychology, um, like, but unfortunately, like, you need more than an associate to become a counselor and I, uh, I didn't have the time to become a counselor because of children and life, and I was also going through a really abusive marriage at the time, so it wasn't great, um, but I've always I've had, I have that heart still, so I've always loved being able to help people and beyond just physical touch. I have some really great friends who have been encouraging me, some of them for a couple of years, some of them more recently.
Speaker 3:And um, they suggested that I become a relationship coach. Um. Now, as somebody who has had a lot of different relationships in her life, um, and a lot of different experiences and a lot of times that I wish somebody was out there to help coach me through it Um, it seemed like something that I could realistically help people with Um, and I've I've successfully done so for some friends, um, and I've definitely done so for some family over the years, um, and I love it. So I decided I wanted to start doing it. So I started taking courses through IAP Career College to get my relationship coaching certification so that way I can add relationship coach to my offerings. So it's not just about physical touch and physical healing, but I also get to do like heart coaching on helping heal through relationship building, and I love that. I'm so excited about that Because man, seeing people happy makes me happy.
Speaker 3:You know like I want my friends to be happy. I want people to have healthy, loving relationships, yes, and not just like with your partner, your family, with your freaking, with your neighbor with your neighbor, with yourself, with yourself yeah I was just you know what I earlier today.
Speaker 3:I was doing a little me time and it was amazing I was doing a little me time and it was amazing what's the me time?
Speaker 2:Because self-care is vital. If you can give anyone a tip, we got to go.
Speaker 3:Yeah, so I was very stereotypical, me time today. And then you know what? I don't even care. I don't care that it's cliche because it feels good, okay. Okay, I'd like to say that it was just like a bunch of masturbation, since we're doing big sexy chat, but it's not where it was but kind of disappointed.
Speaker 3:But okay, I'm sorry that's tonight cheese. Uh, uh, no, I um, I I put on those like gel ip pads and then I have this like heat pack that you put on your eyes and I put a sleep pack on top of that, and then I have this Bluetooth eye mask and I put that on top of all that and have this Bluetooth eye mask.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's like a sleep mask. You know Like a sleep mask, but it's got little bone conducting. You know that like like a like a sleep mask, but it's got little um bone conducting. Headphones in the ear area, oh, like, just like. It like covers your ear and you can hear only you can hear it. So like your partner can't hear it or whoever else is in bed um can't hear anything you're listening to, which is, you know, fun, um, but it's a very relaxing. So like I had meditation, music going and I had the nice. It was like a blanket on my eyes. Yeah, he was talking to me 20 minutes.
Speaker 2:It was so good I'm just thinking of that three layers there I'm just like oh yeah, that sounds really nice those things, those little, oh god so good, I was like, oh, this is, it's like a little blanket. It was just like having just just over my eyes, just they were part of our staff's goodie bags, um, on our christmas, yeah, because we were just like. Those are really so like comforting. You put them on and it's like.
Speaker 3:Right, that's and that's. I love that I have. I have like heated stones, like hot stones for that kind of stuff in the cottage, not for eyes, because you don't want to burn anybody, but like I have like a pad that I put and then the stones go on it just to add some warmth. Yeah, I love everything that makes you feel warm and cozy and relaxed and I want that for myself too. Yeah, I want fuzzy blankets. I want to be warm and cozy and relaxed. I also want to feel like the world is not on fire. That'd be amazing.
Speaker 2:Exactly, the Lulu is for lulu. I get it. The existential dread is exhausting, and so it's like, any ability to do whatever brings you some amount of joy. If, as long as you ain't hurting yourself, somebody else or animals or whatever, like we're good.
Speaker 3:Right yeah.
Speaker 2:And that's kind of where I draw the line to.
Speaker 3:I'm like, just don't hurt anybody or anything, Please.
Speaker 2:I'm like get down with yourself. But my aunt used to say, get down with your own bad self. And I was like I never really got it, Like I loved her attitude but then, like, as I like realized, like get down with your own bad self, like covers a lot of shit, yeah I do I, the way we don't get down that much, follow the fun.
Speaker 3:Yeah, you know, yeah, every now and then you just, I think we all need time to just care for ourselves a little bit, and you know like, yeah, we all have to experience that differently, and that's one of the things like when we talk about like coping skills.
Speaker 2:Right now, some people have used every coping skill they have, like it's just not enough. And, as a therapist, during this time, I have a very I have a very small caseload, uh, but all the people in my life that are caregivers, you know, and have to deal with this sort of filling your own cup sort of thing, oh my gosh, yeah, like hard they're, they're, they're crisis. Some of them are calling crisis because it's just I've had such a horrible day, I just can't, you know, and need somebody to walk me through the moment and it that's fair. Everybody needs that and we have to fill our own cup too, and we're healers and we're caregivers.
Speaker 3:And it's so hard to do, it's so hard to do. Caregivers and it's so hard to do, it's so hard to do and I wouldn't you have something that's I've had. Most of my clients at this point are just the world is a mess. I've had I've had clients leave the country because they're just done um it. It's hard and it's hard to be a carer in a world that needs more carers. Like who cares for the carers? But luckily there are a good amount of therapists out there I'm discovering, like even fat friendly therapists, which is really cool. So I'm doing this for my area, for the pacific northwest um, and there is, so health at every size exists and health at every size lists medical providers in various areas which is amazing um and that's a call out health at every size, guys, but some of your resources are outdated.
Speaker 2:No, seriously. No, it's a problem, y'all.
Speaker 3:So for the Pacific Northwest, my doctor, dr Roberts.
Speaker 2:he asked me, we love you at Big Sexy Chat.
Speaker 3:We love. He's our bestie. He asked me if I would be interested in putting together a provider network directory of fat friendly providers, medical providers in the pacific northwest, and because he's got clients, got patients that need to be referred to people and no idea who to refer them to. And this happened because of all the times that he's tried to refer me to somebody who was awful and was super fat phobic and super douchey and it was like awful, awful, awful experience after awful I mean, you know, normal for all of us just got that one in.
Speaker 3:We're good. Keep adding big bank so good. It's like medical trauma.
Speaker 2:Sorry, I love humor y'all. We deal with it every fucking time we go to the doctor's office.
Speaker 3:Which is like why finding providers who are not that way is so important. So I took this on. I took this task on and I'm so amazed at the things that I've discovered through doing this. So one, just in this area, there's so many of them who are actually, like, fat friendly, who care about their clients, who, like, aren't going to push diet agendas on them, who are really into helping them, as they are. I'm so amazed by, but also like, not just that, but the amount of them who like actively want to be part of these types of things.
Speaker 3:And the coolest part has been there's a lot of fat like medical providers out there that they themselves are part of the fat community. Oh, oh, I love it. Right, I was like shut the front door. You know, it's been amazing because I've had, like, several different doctors reach out because they heard about it through other providers and are like, I want to be a part of that. Can you please list, list me on that? I am part of the FAP community and even I've struggled with finding other providers for myself. So this is an amazing resource and I was like, oh, oh, love it, like it's been so cool to find that out. Just that, that that made me so happy.
Speaker 3:but I've got over 45 providers on this list that's fantastic.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's so cool. That's changing people's lives. Actually it's going to change people's lives.
Speaker 3:I said, well, the thing and the thing that I did with it is like I also, because we do have other other resources that do exist, that have existed health at Size, and there's also fatfriendlydocscom and that also does basically the same thing and, just like most things, right like these resources get created, but then there's a lot of information on them, so it's hard to keep up with it. I found a lot of doctors who either are no longer practicing or who have changed practices or who no longer align with the mission. Like the goal and the message of these things Because that was also part of my process was verifying that they are still like fat friendly, yeah, and there was a solid amount of them that that needed to be changed and were not updated. So it's like how many people have tried these resources and then only been left not having the person be there?
Speaker 2:you know, I see it all the time we we have that issue in our community. Um, you know, some of the more rural areas, that's, that's an issue, you know. Yeah, so having a directory is a big fucking deal and for the fat community that's fantastic to hear that providers are wanting to be on it and like, wow, that's, are you adding your uh cottage, your cuddle?
Speaker 3:I I might add it under alternative therapy. Um, I've got some providers that I'm trying to figure out where I want to label them still, because I've got a lot of not just like not just primary care providers and not just like actual physicians, but other. So I've got a lot of like mental health people on there. I've also got a gym that is all inclusive, that is for in this area in portland area, that is made for fat bodies and like. There are fat instructors there and, like you know, all bodies, strong, um and like other. There's a couple other places that are like body works types, places that are, um, really all all very fat friendly and not just fat friendly but like fat focused. So there are places that were designed with fat bodies in mind and I just there. There are way more in this area. I mean, granted, we've got like the fat community in portland is not minimal, right, there is a, there is a pretty healthy fat community here, so the fact that those things exist doesn't surprise me. Yeah, but.
Speaker 3:I think that I think, I think that it's a good like way to have the start of like a conversation right like if, if a city like if a city like portland can have these kind of resources and people in that community build these spaces, then that can be done anywhere, yep a thousand percent.
Speaker 2:Everybody can start a directory in their community. You just got to spend it's a lot of tedious time and you got to really make sure that that provider you know has those ethics, has that belief set like it's.
Speaker 3:It's a big deal yeah, but also like the fat, the fat providers themselves, like any any fat person out there could and is like you know and going I could be a whatever provider. Yeah, because there is a need for that in the world. In this country, we need more people who understand fat bodies because they're in fat bodies and those people leading conversations in the medical world and in every other part of the world, to make it so that way people understand these things. I mean, that's how change happens, like we need. We need these, we need to take up space.
Speaker 2:And we have to have difficult conversations, we have to have self-reflection and then we gotta move forward. Yeah, you get it.
Speaker 3:You get it. Well, this has been a really great conversation about a lot of things that I don't think we planned on talking about.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think it was a good squirrel podcast. Maybe you could say we call it get squirrely with ashley and we're yeah oh, it's good, good, so tell them where they can find your cuddle cottage.
Speaker 3:So you can find what I'm doing at river rose cuddleagecom. Everything spelled the way that it should be. If you were going to say river rose, cuddle and cottage together, and then also on Facebook, that's where my stuff is at Awesome. Come cuddle with me.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and soon get relationship coaching while cuddling.
Speaker 3:It's going to be fantastic. It's going to be a really interesting one. I really hope I can do like intimacy coaching. That's not sexual. You know what I mean. Like emotional intimacy. I want to help people. You're doing it, you're doing it, I'm doing it. I'm doing it well.
Speaker 2:All right, you can find us at big sexy chat on all the socials. Uh, if you want to email us, where do you email us? Ashley, big sexy chat pod at gmailcom. Fantastic, all right, don't forget about crystal's new clothing, her merch side house and Bliss Connection if you're looking to get a new sex toy or some lingerie. I gotta tell you guys about the trade show that I went to when we stayed at the Paris. Las Vegas. So I've been very bonjour.
Speaker 3:I am dancing with fancy sex toys.
Speaker 2:Exactly the toy, the van. Can I give a little sneak peek in terms of what's coming? Yeah?
Speaker 3:do it.
Speaker 2:The magic wand has made a waterproof submergible that has a motor that's even more powerful than the one that you plug into the wall. Shit and it's coming to you.
Speaker 3:That sounds about like what the clitoris is going to do, right, like can that thing start a car? Because if it's more powerful than the plug-in wand, how many, how many pulverized clits are we? Gonna have out, there is that gonna be a new syndrome and like pulverized, let's be a syndrome we gotta go.
Speaker 2:We gotta cut it, we, we gotta go. This is just gonna, we're gonna be too dangerous, you're dangerous oh god, crystal, goodness, she let us, she let us she let us run wild. This is what happens when you leave us unsupervised. Shit gets crazy and dangerous. Alright, I'm having a chat with you, though me too.
Speaker 3:I hope we don't get pulverized.
Speaker 2:No, not at all, girl. You're doing something wrong, stop that.
Speaker 3:Well, it's been great chatting with you, murph. I'm going to go ahead and say see you later, alligator.
Speaker 2:After a while, crocodile.
