Big Sexy Chat Podcast
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Current Events, Hot Topics, Viewer Questions, and Vibe of the Week. Fat Politics, TV Shows with fat characters, ditching diet culture, #sexnotdiets, sex, sex toys, relationships, mental wellness, sex toy reviews, cannabis, cbd, medical fatphobia, glorifying fat bodies, movies, current events, hot topics, fashion, lingerie, Black Lives Matter, and pretty much anything under the big fat sun! Email: bigsexychatpod@gmail.com
Big Sexy Chat Podcast
More Than Just The Tip w/Sheri Winston
This week on Big Sexy Chat, we’re joined by the incomparable Sheri Winston — award-winning author, wholistic sexuality teacher, and founder of the Intimate Arts Center — for a deep, delicious, and occasionally freaky conversation that peels back layers (literally and figuratively) on pleasure, anatomy, aging, and so much more.
We’re talking foreskins, pelvic floors, prostate play, menopause, masturbation, and why spontaneous arousal is a myth worth retiring.
In this episode, we explore:
- Why foreskin matters (and what was taken from many penis-owners at birth)
- What Sheri calls the “sliding sleeve effect” and how it changes vaginal intercourse
- How to build your own erotic fire — especially after menopause
- Prostate pleasure, pelvic floor strength, and underrated erogenous zones
- How to become an erotic virtuoso at any age, with any body
- Circumcision history, hygiene myths, and medical gaslighting
- Why your genitals aren’t dirty — and your bidet might save your sex life
- Sheri’s go-to metaphors: crockpots, firewood, and penis-hand puppets (yes, really)
From anatomy to arousal, Sheri brings humor, insight, and unfiltered truth in a way only she can. Whether you’ve got a penis, play with one, or just want to understand bodies better, this episode is a must-listen.
🔗 Connect with Sheri Winston:
- 🌐 Website & free ebook: intimateartscenter.com
- 📸 Instagram: @intimateartscenter
- 🐦 X/Twitter: @SheriWinston
- 📘 Facebook: facebook.com/intimateartscenter
- 🎥 YouTube: youtube.com/user/juicygoddesssheri
📚 Featured Books:
- Women’s Anatomy of Arousal: Secret Maps to Buried Pleasure
- Succulent SexCraft: Your Hands-On Guide to Erotic Play and Practice
- Secrets of the Sex Masters (contributor)
BigSexyChat.com appreciates you and our community. We do this for you, so if you ever have any ideas about a subject we can discuss for you, email us at bigsexychatpod@gmail.com.
You can find us on Facebook and Instagram as BigSexyChat.
Twitter (who knows how long we will stay there) is BigSexyChatPod
Check out our merch at www.BigSexyTees.com (credit to Toni Tails for setting this up for us!)
Chrystal also sells sex toys via her website BlissConnection.com and you can use the code BSC20 for 20% off.
Big thanks to our Sponsor Liberator Bedroom Adventures. We ADORE the products from Liberator. And, to be clear, we all loved their products even before they became a sponsor!
On this episode of Big Sexy Chat, we're joined by the incredible Sherri Winston, award-winning author, holistic sexuality teacher and founder of the Intimate Arts Center. Get ready for a juicy deep dive into anatomy, arousal, foreskin facts and how to become an erotic virtuoso at any stage of life Without further ado, breaking all the rules. Babe, what you think it's Big Sexy Chat, say it back now. Big Sexy Chat.
Speaker 3:Let's go. Hi y'all, welcome back to Big Sexy Chat or, if you are new here, welcome to Big Sexy Chat to you as well. And you can always find us on our website, bigsexychatcom and all the socials. But welcome, new and old, and welcome to Murph. Hi, murph, hi, nice to see you in your pinkness. And also, we have a special guest today. Welcome to Sherry.
Speaker 4:Hi, Sherry Hi.
Speaker 3:Thank you so much for having me. Sherry winston, yes, coach, author, educator, sex educator.
Speaker 4:Uh, you were a doula, you said, or a midwife I was a midwife I'm actually a certified nurse, midwife, gynecology practitioner, registered nurse, licensed massage therapist uh, I think I forgot something. Is that all? Well, then I became a holistic sexuality teacher. That's an official title. You underachiever you.
Speaker 1:I know, there we go.
Speaker 3:Welcome to our club, anyway, so nice to have you, murph. I was saying earlier, sherry and I go back, at least in our emails, to 2017, where she was doing like. Is that a Kickstarter, maybe?
Speaker 4:One of those, one of those fundraisers, one of those things.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I've done both at different times, having her book translated into Spanish. And yeah, tell everybody a little bit about your books. Which was your newest book?
Speaker 4:Well, I'll tell you which is my best-selling book and my award-winning book, which is women's anatomy of arousal not when they're in the middle and that yeah yeah, that's the truth about female genital anatomy that not only your uh doctor doesn't know, you're probably your sex educators don't know and, um, certainly most people don't know. So it's all the parts, um that come in the standard female bio body, um and uh, all the, including the ones you've never heard of and uh. So that's, that's my big one, that's the one that's really um made a big difference for a lot of people, absolutely great. And second one, sex craft is your hands-on guide to erotic play and practice. It's how to become an erotic virtuoso, whatever your plumbing, whatever your energy, whatever whoever you partner with, including yourself. And then I uh contributed significantly to a book my husband wrote called Secrets of the Sex Masters, which he interviewed a variety of experts about a variety of things and I'm one of the experts and I also helped him edit it, figure out what to do with it.
Speaker 3:Are they master debaters?
Speaker 4:Well, that's an interesting question, because if they were masturbators, that would mean they were polluting themselves with their hands. So probably not the word I like to use.
Speaker 3:I was on the debate team in high school, so we called ourselves master debaters. It was fun. It was fun when I was 16 and 17.
Speaker 2:So, sherry, we don't ever want to promote a billionaire, so no to amazon. Where can we find your books?
Speaker 4:well, you, can go to my website. That's the easiest way to do it. Um, and that's intimate arts centercom center spelled the american way, and you can get them there. Also, many independent bookstores have it or can order it for you, and I'm sure there's some used copies floating around. You can also request it from your library if your library doesn't carry it. I'd really like to encourage that. And what else? Yeah, on my website you can find lots of other great stuff. Like, there's a ton of blogs about what we're talking about that are free, and so, in fact, as we're discussing male genital anatomy, I'd encourage people to go look at the blog post, the Substack post, wherever it's on both places, because you're going to see some drawings. I did the anatomy drawings also. I'm also an artist. I'll throw that in there, because I think it really helps to see a visual of the anatomy. So I would encourage people to go visit it for no other reason than to just look at the anatomy illustrations.
Speaker 2:That's awesome. I'm curious. I didn't know that Carl was your husband. So you know hearing, you know that you say that. Now, knowing that there's two like sexperts, uh, in a relationship, I bet you people are wondering. So I'm just gonna ask, like, what's what's sex like is? Is vanilla vanilla, or are we talking like there's always something fun and interesting going on and you don't have to answer.
Speaker 4:It's a great question. I'll tell it anything. I'm I'm not shy. So first I will say we've been together almost 20 years and when we first got together I was the sexpert and he was just a guy. Actually it created some challenges really, because he said to me sometimes you're using your teacher voice, not a turn on. That can be hot, yeah.
Speaker 3:In certain ways.
Speaker 4:Sure, but in the sort of more day-to-day sex he didn't find it hot, in fact. So one of the things was really learning Actually I think this goes for any couple is we need to learn each other, and while I had huge advantage in that, being that I was a sexpert and had all this experience, I also had to learn how to share that with him in a way that was welcoming and erotic, as opposed to I'm telling him what to do and telling him he's doing it wrong. And so I got a lot better at that and along the way he wound up editing my book and then he, you know, then he got to move to all these different conferences and events, and so he's a writer, and so he wound up kind of going down that path for a bit, but now he's on a completely other path. Meanwhile, back to the sex, what I would say in terms of so when we first got together, when we first sat together, we couldn't leave the house for like a year.
Speaker 4:We could barely get out of the hallway, right. We were both 20 years younger, so I just have to add that it was insane. We were having amazing sex and um and, and that was part of what obviously drew us together. Uh, then we got to the point where we could actually leave the house and we realized that that we would have these huge fights. We were. We were both very powerful people and I think we were both used to being in relationship with people who were less powerful. Um, and neither of us said lars how to share that or take turns with that. Um, so we had to figure that out so that we could have as good a relationship as our sex was.
Speaker 4:Now it's 20 years later. We're're 20 years older. Things obviously calm down, because they just do, naturally anyway. But we're dedicated to trying to keep things fun and to keep things interesting and to figuring out just how to accommodate the changes in age. And things are definitely not. We're not ripping each other's clothes off in the hallway anymore. We're more like let's schedule it when we both have time off and nothing else, you know, going on. So it definitely takes that and I think it just.
Speaker 4:I think it takes consciously choosing to go there now, right, so it's not like I'm so horny I'm going to rip his clothes off, because postmenopausally that just doesn't, doesn't happen for me anymore. So I like to say to people who are in a similar place in their lives, where your hormones are no longer there's like not a fire underneath my pot of water there used to be. There was always fire under my pot of water. It was always close to boiling. Anything would happen and the fire would go and the water would boil.
Speaker 4:Now, for both of us really, I think we have to choose it. We have to say I'm going to go out and collect some wood and I'm going to build a fire and I'm going to boil my water, and whether it's with my solo sex or my partner sex, it definitely takes making a conscious choice. And thank goodness I know all the things I know, because it makes it a lot easier to know how to collect the wood and make a fire Right, which a lot of people don't know how to do. That. How do you get that thing going?
Speaker 3:I love that metaphor.
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker 3:I love it.
Speaker 4:Well, you know, here's the other thing the more often you boil your water, the easier it is to boil it again. If you ignore it, it gets colder and colder and eventually just kind of freezes. And we think about the terminology of women who have lost their libido. It's frigid, right, it's a horrible word, it's a horrible image, but I understand it metaphorically, which means if you're not running that in, if you're not circulating it and getting it going, it gets harder and harder to do. So if you want to keep it going with yourself, with your partner, make the conscious choice. And if it takes scheduling and planning, that's fine. There's nothing wrong with sex no longer being a spontaneous activity, you know, and anyone who's busy or has kids or is a certain age or certain time in your life that planning for it can be part of the erotic charge.
Speaker 4:Absolutely, you can let part of that buildup be. You know, on Saturday we're having a date, aren't we?
Speaker 3:Yes, I also. I know it's really trite or whatever, but I like the metaphor about the crockpot versus the microwave oven, for example. Just especially as you get into menopause, just the warm-up is going to be a little bit longer the phase, as opposed to, just like you know, you got to get a little more warmed up in the crock pot, so you're gonna let it simmer for a little while before you just jam it in there absolutely, and I think actually for a lot of male-bodied people that actually slows down for them as well, and so it can take them longer to get aroused, to get an erection.
Speaker 4:Erections are less assured, they may come and go and they may wax and wane, and so slowing down for everybody's sake can be a good thing. And I guess when I was younger I just didn't think my body and my sexuality were going to change that much. Like I don't know, like you became an adult and you thought, well, this is what I got and this is how it's going to be. And that is just not the case. There are changes and they can be dramatic. And again like my second book, the Secular Sex Craft, where I help people learn how to be a neurotic virtuoso, how to use all of your tools, all that stuff you got to get turned on and have orgasms and keep them strong and powerful, becomes even more essential when maybe parts of your body aren't working so well, you're dealing with fuzziness or you're tired. So those are great skills to acquire at any point in life, but particularly useful I think, as you get older, don't you have an ebook people can download?
Speaker 4:Yeah, yeah, Sex craft, maybe Sex craft. No, I think that there's an orgasmic abundance. That's it. Orgasmic abundance a little ebook.
Speaker 3:So if you go to Intimate Arts Center so arts is plural, i-n-t-i-m-a-t-e arts and then C-E-N-T-E-Rcom, you can get for free her ebook. Thank you, thank you for that. And her, um, yeah, her ebook.
Speaker 4:Thank you thank you for that. And there's tons of blogs and a couple of video blogs and there's just all kinds of really great info just to get for free on the website thank you.
Speaker 3:That's so, so generous of you. So what got us talking about interviewing you was your email about the the penis actually, which we don't talk a lot about on here uh, only because I don't know about you. I never really worried about the penis actually, which we don't talk a lot about on here, Only because I don't know about you. I never really worry about the penis in the room because almost always they know how to make things happen for themselves and I don't really stress out about too much. But I am aware that there's a lot of other areas around the penis and that there's probably an area that we should spend a little bit of time on out of respect for the penis. So we would love to learn everything that you have to learn. Teach us about the penis and all the pleasure it's capable of.
Speaker 4:Well, I'm delighted to talk about the penis because, honestly, mostly I talk about pussies, like people are like oh, it's the vagina, lady. So it's great to get a chance to talk about penises and we do have this kind of cultural idea that we know penises, we know how they operate, they're easy to operate and, honestly, if you'd asked me when I was 16, I was like, yeah, piece of cake, not much to figure out here. As people age or have health issues or on medications, that becomes a little more complex. And also I don't want to reduce people who have penises to kind of a. It's a simple on-off switch. You flick it because on and while that may operate that way a lot of the time, that's not all there is to it. So obviously it's connected to a body and a person and so sex is holistic, it's about all of us. So it's not just about the genitals, it's not just about the equipment, although I'm going to focus on that for the moment but I just really want to acknowledge that things are not quite as simple. Obviously, female genitalia is more complex and a lot of it's hidden and there's a lot we don't know, a lot we don't know, but I think there's a bunch of things we don't really understand about the penis as well. So, yay, penises, so a penis.
Speaker 4:We think of the penis I mean, there's so many different things to talk about. We think of the penis as just the part that sticks out from the body, which is about two thirds of the penis. The rest of the penis is attached. It's under the perineum. So if you are playing with a penis, whether it's your own or a friend's, it's really great to explore the whole length of the penis, including the attached part. So that's number one. Obviously also, we've got the balls, and the balls are extremely sensitive and so much fun to play with, like stress balls, you know, I mean how relaxing to just play with them like that. But these are pretty obvious parts that most people haven't found. What might you not have found is some internal parts.
Speaker 4:So male bodies come with a prostate, which we've all heard of. Female bodies come with a urethral sponge. It's the same tissue embryologically. The urethral sponge in the female body is what people are calling the G-spot, which is not a spot. It's somewhat incorrect but nonetheless.
Speaker 4:But whatever your biological sex, you have a male or female prostate, and the prostate is a very interesting structure because it is made of erectile tissue, just like the rest of the penis, and it's also glandular. It makes stuff in our bodies Now the male prostate. You really can't get to it unless you go inside the male body and of course that is something which our culture is so freaked out about. Everybody's got the asshole and in fact, on the hip parade of nerve endings, how many nerve endings you have is an indicator of how sensitive something is, how much pleasure you can get from it. On the hip parade of nerve endings, our genitals are number one, the anus is number two. That's a lot of pleasure potential and a lot of people aren't going to go there because we have so much cultural shame around the anus.
Speaker 3:I like to call it the equal opportunity hole. Everybody gets the same amount of nerve endings there, exactly. That's a lot, it's the same amount of nerve endings there. Exactly, that's a lot. I often tell people that if you don't want to go inside, you really just don't want to, for whatever reason.
Speaker 3:I feel, like that area, the perineum or perineum, sometimes there's something that kind of starts to protrude a little bit there, like maybe it gets hardened, and I'm thinking that's the urethral sponge. And I noticed that for some men they that area a little pressure on. I'm wondering are we kind of like massaging the prostate from the?
Speaker 4:outside we are in fact, in daoist sexual practices they call that spot the million dollar point. Well, they weren't probably referring to it in dollars, the million yen point, I don't know. Um, the translation is the million dollar point, and it's a fun place to play with. You can just put pressure on it with just a thumb. You can put your whole fist up against the perineum again, actually, whatever your plumbing is, and just press um so you can access it from the outside of the body. Um, and if you, if you put your finger there, you'll usually be able to find a pulse and then you can play with that. Another fun thing to play with. And then, as far as the anus goes, again, you don't have to go in. You can still even play with the outer part, which is extremely sensitive.
Speaker 4:You want to use good sexual hygiene, which means that anything that touches in or around the anus now should not touch any other genitals. Easy way to do that is put on a nitrile glove, get some lube. You can have one, a hand for the back, a hand for the front. I like gloves personally, maybe because I was a medical professional for a long time. But it's so easy you put on a glove, you do what you're doing. When you're done, you take the glove off. You have a little garbage receptacles, you can put it someplace and you know, no harm, no foul in terms of risk of spreading bacteria around.
Speaker 4:Now, if you are going to go in and I always like to encourage people if you're trying something new, you might want to try it by yourself first. So, for male-bodied people, your own finger, if it's comfortable for you to reach and get your finger in there, or a prostate-stimulating toy is a great way to explore the sensations. And you can do that by yourself, without any pressures or expectations or any of the things that happen when we're having partner sex, and you can start to explore what feels good. What kind of sensations do you like? There are some wonderful toys specifically designed for prostate stimulation.
Speaker 4:If you're learning how to use your pelvic floor muscles and again, everybody's got them equal opportunity muscles, and again, everybody's got them Equal opportunity muscles your genitals are encased and sandwiched between those muscles, so every time you're squeezing and releasing those muscles, you're playing with yourself without using your hands. You can use your hands also, right, but you don't even have to, and so, especially in terms of erectile function as well as pleasure. Using those muscles can really help. They increase the blood flow, they stimulate the nerves and when you get those muscles strong and flexible, you can not only increase your arousal, increase your erection or sustain your erection better, you also can make your orgasms more powerful and last longer.
Speaker 3:I have a question Is it true that men can have a climax with just seminal fluid only, without the being prostatic fluid?
Speaker 4:only without the seminal fluid. I wouldn't say that exactly what you can have is an orgasm without any ejaculation. There might be men who can separate those two. I'm not aware of it. The men I know who have practiced can get to a place where you might call ejaculatory choice. They can choose whether they wanna release the fluid or whether they wanna have an orgasm without releasing the fluid. That's fascinating. Yeah, it is right. And then, if you learn how to do that, you can have multiple orgasms. So if you're partnered with a woman who can have multiple orgasms, then you could have multiple orgasms together and you can culminate in an ejaculatory orgasm or not. For a lot of Taoist practitioners, they believe that retaining the semen is one of the keys to long life, that retaining the semen is one of the keys to long life. So I know some people who are lifelong practitioners of the Taoist erotic arts who rarely ever ejaculate.
Speaker 3:Let's take a minute to explain Taoist, because it sounds like you're saying Taoist like the city. You're really big orgasms, texas size. But would you mind explaining a little?
Speaker 2:bit about Taoism. Yeah, thank you Would you mind?
Speaker 4:explaining to us a little bit about Tao.
Speaker 3:D-A-O.
Speaker 4:Yeah, thank you. So it's an ancient belief system based kind of on the ideas of yin and yang, that everything is not just in balance but in flow, and so the classic yin-yang symbol is kind of the symbol. It's actually more of a philosophy than a religion. Different people have different relationships with that set of beliefs. In this case I'm talking about people who have incorporated this into their lifestyle and how they eat, how they live and how they have sex, and it's spelled T-A-O and it's pronounced Tao. Big topic. Yeah, that's helpful.
Speaker 3:Thank you, that's perfect.
Speaker 4:But I'll just say for men who want to learn that that's probably the best place to go to learn how to have male multiple orgasms. If you want to learn that, that's probably the best place to go to learn how to have male multiple orgasms. If you want to learn that and the men I know have learned how to do it are pretty happy about it, but it does seem to take a while. It seems like it's harder for men to learn to not ejaculate than for women to learn to have orgasms and to have multiple orgasms.
Speaker 3:I think men are like ejaculation ninjas they learn how to do it so early on, in a certain way as fast as possible, so they don't get caught. And so I think they do kind of get into that rhythm and it's like trying to undo that rhythm. It's like that's probably going to take a while.
Speaker 4:It's true. I think also one of the things the problem with training for sprints is that you at some point are going to get with a partner, particularly if you have a partner who wants you to last quite a while. So you can get into that arousal state. You can get an erection but not feel like you've got to rush to jump off the diving board and have that orgasm. Spread that out. You can have so much more pleasure and let that build up. You want to have a more powerful orgasm. Don't be so fast. Take your time. Build the energy. Powerful orgasm. Don't be so fast. Take your time. Build the energy, let it ebb, build it again. Let it ebb, build it again and by the time you get your orgasm it's going to be really good.
Speaker 3:People call that edgy as well. Right, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 4:And you know there's no right or wrong in any of this. There's no right, will we do anything? There's no wrong way. These are just ideas of how you can expand your repertoire, absolutely.
Speaker 3:I love it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'm curious, sherry, with that. You know we're talking about sensitive parts of the body and I was looking at some of the figures that you had drawn of the penis and one of the things I was thinking about was circumcised versus uncircumcised and how that potentially changes the orgasm for the person because of the sensitive tissue. Could you tell us a little bit more about that?
Speaker 4:I would love to. So we're about to get on one of my soapboxes. This goes back to when I was a midwife and I can tell you I have lost patience over the years because of my stance about circumcision. So I'm going to say some things that might sound kind of harsh, but I'm just going to say it.
Speaker 4:Circumcision is genital mutilation. It is akin to a second-degree female circumcision. The amount of tissue that is removed is significant, not only sensitive. The most sensitive tissue in the penile structures and the main orgasm triggers are in the foreskin. So first I have to say to any men who are hearing this for the first time and are feeling upset about it mad I'm really sorry that happened to you.
Speaker 4:Even without parts of our bodies, we can have amazing sex and amazing orgasms, and I want people to know that. This is why becoming an erotic virtuoso is so useful. You can make up for things that might have gone missing when you were an infant. And at the same time, if people are making a decision about their children, I really want them to understand what you are taking away from your son, because sex without a foreskin is never going to feel the same as sex with a foreskin, and it breaks my heart that we live in a culture that thinks a foreskin is like. It's like a little flap with extra skids and hat and you can have it on, you have it off makes no difference, and people tell you that. Medical professionals will tell you oh, it's nothing. They didn't even use anesthesia to do circumcisions until recently. So I actually think any male-bodied person who had a circumcision has experienced sexual trauma, and they may have only been two days old, or a couple, you know, a week. We may have only been eight days old when it happened, but your body remembers that, and so I think there's some healing that could be done for people who have lost their foreskin.
Speaker 4:Yeah, the other thing is it's not just for you. If you partner with somebody with a vagina, the foreskin actually makes the intercourse a very different experience. So what the foreskin is? Okay, I wore the right jacket for this. Here's my penis. Here's the foreskin. The foreskin is a sliding sleeve. See how my penis hand is sliding in and out of that sleeve. Can you see that? Does that make sense?
Speaker 2:Yep, so folks that are listening to this. Her sweater is a little bit longer, so she's able to slide her hand in and out of the arm.
Speaker 4:Like it's a double sliding sleeve that goes over the head of the penis and then retracts partway. Now what happens if that penis is in a vagina? Now I've got my other hand making a vagina and you've got that sliding sleeve there. What happens is the penis slides in and out of the sleeve. What's happening to the vagina? No friction, no friction.
Speaker 4:Friction is not the friend of the vagina. So if you've just got a penis without a foreskin and that person is missing the main orgasmic triggers and all of the stimulation, what do people with penises tend to do when they get vaginas? This in and out thrusting causing friction. We don't like friction. Friction is not our friend. Our vaginas weren't designed for that kind of friction. And so one of the things I like to tell people who own a circumcised penis learn to fuck like you have a foreskin, right Instead of that in and out thrusting and I'm not saying in and out thrusting can't be good at the right time. Time usually is at super high level arousal, with lots of juiciness and everything. There's a certain point where that kind of pounding can really feel good. But for most of your intercourse experience, try, instead of in and out thrusting, try hip rocking, try contact, genital contact, hip rocking, pelvic floor, muscle movement and things like that sort of stuff. It made me think of individuals who are transitioning.
Speaker 2:And if they were circumcised and you're now getting a vagina, I'm wondering what that you're even going into that with less nerve endings, you know and like how would you know what? Oh, it's just fascinating to me. I'm like just sitting there thinking like, wow, that probably like keeps them from being able to really experience a lot of enjoyment with their new parts having a foreskin will give the surgeon more stuff to work with, which is a good thing.
Speaker 4:The thing about surgical genitalia is there are many different ways to do it, so we can't even just say if somebody's had genital alteration surgery. We don't know exactly what was done. It's really more of an art form and different surgeons do very different things. A lot of people wind up with genitals that work pretty good. They're not going to quite be the way evolution designed them and it's great that we have this option. But remember, evolution designed genitals to work together. So, for example, possums, the male has a forked penis and the female has a duplex uterus. In fact, when they, when Europeans first saw possums, they thought they made it through the nose. The penis looks like it.
Speaker 3:That's funny.
Speaker 4:There are geese that have a corkscrew penis and the female has a corkscrew vagina, right so our genitals if we're thinking and again I'm talking in terms of planning for a future baby boy and whether you want to leave that foreskin or not, just remember that evolution designed our genitals to fit and work together and we can't really improve on that, especially by removing things.
Speaker 3:How did circumcision become such a big thing? I know a lot of people do it or don't do it based on religious reasons. I'm sure you know the answer to this, but how did it become so popularized? It seems so terrific.
Speaker 4:It's a really interesting question that I've done a lot of research and reading on over the years and I still don't think I have a really good answer. It's a thing that's been done in a lot of different cultures over the years, although usually it was removing a little bit of the foreskin. In fact, even in Jewish culture until about 100, 150 years ago, somewhere in there, they just cut the tip of the foreskin off. They left most of it. Most other cultures that have practiced some form of genital surgery, it's the same thing. Now there are a couple cultures who do things even more intense. I don't even want to talk about it. They're pretty, you're like whoa, but most cultures it's more of a symbolic thing of cutting the tip off.
Speaker 4:What happened in the Jewish culture is that if they just cut the tip off and when the person grows up they might be able to pass for non-Jewish. And the rabbis were like no, no, we can't have our Jewish guys passing for non-Jews. So they got together and they decided to make the more to do the more extreme form. So and again, I've told you when I used to be a midwife, I would tell you, know all of my pregnant patients about why they really really should think hard about whether they're going to do this to their child and and a lot of people really hear it and maybe change what they were planning to do I, their child and and a lot of people weren't really hear it and maybe changed what they were planning to do. Um, I will say, the number one comment I would get was, yeah, but he won't look like his father, and I go, he's not going to look like his father anyway, because he's going to have a little boy penis and his daddy has a grownup penis. Um, and you can say to him well, when he was a little boy, they thought it was a good idea to cut this part off, but when you were born, we knew you were perfect, so we left it alone.
Speaker 3:Oh, I like that answer.
Speaker 4:Yeah, or he'll be teased in the locker room. In the area of the country where I live in, about 30% of boys are not getting circumcised, or whatever the statistics are. So he'll be like a third of the other kids. So but if I had patients who were Jewish, who were attached to the ritual and it's part of Jewish identity first, I would ask them do you follow all the other Jewish rules? Do you keep kosher? Do you go to a synagogue every week? And they'd be like, oh no, I don't keep kosher. We go toi holidays, but that's it.
Speaker 4:And I'm like, well, why do you feel the need to follow this rule, but the other ones you just like you don't follow. And sometimes that would help. I would also point out to them that there is a community, a subgroup of Jewish people who are choosing to have the ritual, but without the circumcision, maybe just a little nick, just a drop of blood, or they put some wine on the penis. And I would also point out where you could try to find a mohel who will just cut off the tip and not the whole thing. And yet it would astound me how many people who didn't follow any of the other Jewish customs would still go ahead and do it. I don't get it. I just don't get it. I mean once you know I don't get it, I just don't get it. I mean once you know I don't get it.
Speaker 3:I mean, if you did that to girls' bodies, people would be up in arms.
Speaker 4:As they are in the parts of the world where clitoridectomy is practiced routinely. There are four levels of it.
Speaker 3:Wow, I didn't know that.
Speaker 4:There are four different degrees of tissue that are removed and the male circumcision is equivalent to a second degree female circumcision. And we are appalled that other people do this. We're fighting it. We've got laws. You can't do this to your baby girl in this country, but you can do it to your boy. I'm baffled. I'm baffled'm bad. Yeah, that's why and why different cultures practice genital mutilation at all. And like I've read a lot of sociology and anthropology and psychology, all these things, I I still don't get it. I don't understand why would you do that?
Speaker 3:it's a perfectly operating machine. It's perfect exactly the way it shows up. It's perfect. You don't need to do anything to it.
Speaker 4:You really, really don't.
Speaker 1:I don't know I don't know, I get it.
Speaker 4:Yeah, anyway, but as a foreskin warrior, I like that Great title and I was a conscientious objector even back in nursing school. I got written up for not assisting in a circumcision Got to do what you got to do. This is one of the reasons when you invited me on to talk about penises. I get so excited because I want people to have this information. It breaks my heart when people say, yeah, I had my boy circumcised and I explain this to you and I'm like, oh gosh, I'm sorry I did that. I wish I hadn't done that and I know for a lot of men that this is grief-inducing. So I want to acknowledge that, that this is something to grieve and hopefully it will change, although it seems very stubborn.
Speaker 2:Now I've heard that there are surgeries to put it back. But I'm sitting there now thinking about that and being like but what would really be the point at that? You know, just because you're not getting the nerve endings, you're not getting the same sort of tissue back when you're putting it back.
Speaker 4:Well, the head of the penis is designed to be covered most of the time, except when it's out, which is only when it's erect, and so having a foreskin also keeps the head of the penis more moist, more sensitive. It actually creates a little ecosystem, the same way our vaginas have an ecosystem, and so we wanted to talk about health. So in some ways that's actually a health advantage because you can have a natural ecosystem. So the procedure that you're talking about, what some men do, is they stretch the skin and so you can stretch the skin Again. It takes a long time and a lot of dedication, and so you can stretch the skin Again. It takes a long time and a lot of dedication. I've read about it, I think met one man who actually did it and naturally I was like so it took him years, but he says that over the years the head of his penis became more sensitive. So there's that, so you can kind of regain the head of your penis's sensitivity. So there's that, so you can kind of regain the head of your penis's sensitivity. But no, you will never regain the nerve endings and those orgasmic triggers. Now, as far as other health problems in having a foreskin, having a foreskin means there is a place for bacteria and yeast and other bad actors to hang out.
Speaker 4:Basic hygiene we live in a country where the majority of people have indoor plumbing, clean running water, right, so all you need to do is learn how to take care of it and you're going to be good. So are there risks of leaving it? Well, sure, there's risks of having all kinds of body parts. I mean, hey, I could get breast cancer. I'm not going to cut my boobs off, right? Although, yes, there are women who have had breast cancer, have a family history and have a whole gene who make that decision. But, generally speaking, we don't cut healthy body parts off because at some point in the future there might be a problem. We just learned how to take care of them and look out for problems, so there's that.
Speaker 2:Do you feel?
Speaker 2:that medical providers use that, though, as a means to encourage people that weren't Jewish to partake in this practice, Because I've heard that so many times. Like Crystal was mentioning of, like you know, I want to make sure that my boy is clean and that he, you know, doesn't have anything in the extra skin, and you know, just kind of playing that off as like I think of, like you know, when they're like fat surgery, you know, like, oh, you just need this, like it's going to help you, and using it that way.
Speaker 4:Yeah, that's absolutely true. That totally happens. And also there are doctors who don't understand that when a baby is born, the foreskin adheres to the head of the penis. It protects it. It's also there to protect it from being exposed to all the diaper, dew and pee. And so boys without a foreskin, their penis is much more susceptible to irritation and inflammation. But the penis, the foreskin, starts out adhered to that, it's attached and it will gradually loosen up and by the time the boy is eight it will be fully retractable. You should never force it. I have met men who a pediatrician, when they were a baby, just ripped it down, leading to scar tissue and adhesions. Those are scars that stick things together and it's horrible. So it's so important that medical professionals learn that that's normal, that that's natural and that, as parents of boys, we teach them how to take care of their bodies. We teach them how to wipe their butt, we teach them how to clean their penis. It's just another thing to teach them.
Speaker 3:Not surprised that there's ignorance in the medical community around this, because, as fat people, we experience a lot of ignorance around them in the medical community, a lot of things that they haven't been educated about or they've been educated on old information, which I think is what happens with penises, because these to be you're going to get cancer, and all this shit they tried to create to scare people, just like with fat bodies. So that doesn't surprise me that they're ignorant about it.
Speaker 4:Or female bodies for that matter. Yeah, there's a lot of misinformation and it's unfortunate that the medical community in general does not. It's not open as much as we would like it to be, to learning the new information, to keeping learning A lot of doctors what they learn in medical school is it for the rest of their lives.
Speaker 3:Yeah, that's it, before we get too much further along. I was thinking about this first of all, best ways to clean a penis that's intact, but also there's a lot of discussion about whether or not people who have vaginas should be using soap in their vaginal area, in their vulva. So I'm curious to know about what do you know, or what do you think about, hygiene for both body parts?
Speaker 4:so, um, soap and mucous membranes are not a good combination. So the head of the penis and the inside of the foreskin is mucous membrane. The inside of the vagina is mucous membrane. No soap, no, none. Not a handheld shower massager and water awesome. Um, if things don't feel good, if they don't smell the way they should and a vulva and a vagina should smell musky, but not fishy. Not the same with any smegma, that's, the discharge that builds up under the foreskin Shouldn't smell bad. So, regular showers, water, all good. If something smells really funky or looks wrong, then you go to your care provider and you say I think I might have a little something going on. And also, I'll just add, because this is another one of my soapboxes, all feminine hygiene products are crap that cause you to have infections. So I know we're focusing on penises, but I just got to get that in there Douching feminine hygiene sprays, deodorant, but, sherry, don't you want your vulva?
Speaker 3:to smell like sweet, Then they're douching feminine hygiene sprays, deodorant tampons. But, Sherry, don't you want your vulva to smell like sweet romance.
Speaker 1:It does.
Speaker 4:It's sexy. Can Mother Nature design that to make you go, mmm?
Speaker 3:Duh. Yeah, they're supposed to smell like vaginas. They're supposed to smell like a penis. But yeah, soaps, I know, are it's tricky. You do need soap for the anus, however.
Speaker 4:You do, and anything on the outside part, that's great. All the crevices anywhere you've got crevices and for those of us in bigger bodies, we have more crevices. Soap is your friend. And I'll also add make sure you're getting it completely rinsed off, because if you're, you know, like your belly crease or something, or your side creases, if you get soap in there and you don't rinse it all off, you're also creating an environment for unhappy visitors.
Speaker 3:So and I love, a good handheld shower massager for getting in all of the various crevices.
Speaker 4:Many reasons, many reasons, why we love a shower massager. Yes, that's how I learned how to have orgasms At night. I used to run that hot water tank in my house dry after everyone went to sleep. I love it, absolutely, it's the best. Let me just add, though so this is a weird thing I just came across on YouTube, so I don't know this guy was talking about how there are men who don't wipe their butt after they poop. It's a thing, and one of the comments one man made was wiping your butt is gay.
Speaker 3:Yep, yep, it's a thing right now.
Speaker 4:It's really awful.
Speaker 3:It's so stupid.
Speaker 4:So if you're walking around with adult diaper rash on your butt because you're not wiping your ass, please do everyone in the world a favor Wipe your butt. Hey, get a bidet. Get really, you know, get it nice and clean. You won't even have to touch it.
Speaker 2:Seriously, I think of like the male loneliness epidemic bullshit that people are talking about. It's like I bet you you're one of the non wipers, you know what you might be lonely.
Speaker 4:You might be the case. You might be the case. Another one was something like skid marks in your underwear is a sign of a real man. Oh, okay, Anyway so for the, for the penis owners out there listening to this podcast, and I don't know, maybe there are women who don't wipe either possible. I've never come across it myself, but I never come across this phenomenon, shocking phenomenon. Um, hygiene is your friend. You're much more likely to get dates if you don't smell like shit oral sex.
Speaker 4:Oh, as far as oral sex goes, I'll just put it on. I have no and have never had any hesitation about letting my partners know that if they want my face in their crotch for any amount of time, it needs to be up to my standards of hygiene, and I'm happy to go hop in the shower with you and show you what I mean. Like that means soap scrubbing, rinsing Awesome. If it's not clean enough, I'll send you back to the shower.
Speaker 3:My day job is I do electrolysis, you know, and I often remove hair from very intimate areas, and so we have a sane shower within the hour at least maybe half an hour is even better.
Speaker 1:But when they're coming to my office.
Speaker 3:You only need to come freshly showered.
Speaker 4:That would be a nice thing, yeah, yeah. So I just want to if there are any men out there and I'll also say to parents this is part of our job as parents to teach our children this is how you brush your teeth, this is how you clean under your foreskin, this is how you wipe and clean your butt. That's our job as parents. When I hear about those guys, I think their parents failed them somewhere along the line.
Speaker 2:Oh, yeah, I know One of the things before we got on to the topic of not wiping your ass, which what the hell? Who knew? Who knew? I can't imagine an adult not wiping their ass, like it's okay. Yeah, we were talking about, you know, hygiene for fat bodies, and that made me think of have you heard, or, um, you know, had the experience of hearing from other men that, um, there's a difference when you are fat and are a penis owner? Are there things to know? Is there something different? Is the pleasure different? That sort of thing.
Speaker 4:Pleasure, no difference. Your penis. If you have a belly fold or if it's a little more hidden by your larger body parts, it might look smaller. It isn't any smaller. It's as big as it ever was. And while we're at it, let's just size has got nothing to do with pleasure. Having a bigger penis doesn't mean you get more pleasure. Having a bigger penis doesn't mean your partners get more pleasure.
Speaker 4:The ideal combination is having a penis and vagina that fit well together. Having a very, very large penis. If you're partnering with a female who has a very, very small vagina, that can't be a problem. I've worked with couples who this was a real challenge for them, but generally speaking, it's what you do with it, it's what you do with everything you've got, it's the relationship, it's all the other pleasure techniques. Size doesn't matter, and boy is our culture stuck on that. One Bigger is not better. So there's that piece Always good to address. We're talking about penises because a lot of men feel like theirs isn't big enough, and if you watch porn which we know you mostly, you guys do um, and you're really getting a um, false idea of what an average size penis is. So we'll just, we'll just start with that part also as someone who has a lot of expertise about vaginas.
Speaker 3:Vaginalinal canal, when it's not aroused, is like three to four inches.
Speaker 4:Well, the vaginal canal, it's like an accordion that's closed, okay, and it has the potential to expand. It can get big enough to get a baby out, right. So there's a huge amount of elasticity when the expansion actually comes from generally. Huge amount of elasticity where the expansion actually comes from. Generally, it's the movement of the uterus. So the uterus sits at the back of the vagina and in the part that pokes in the vagina is called the cervix, and during arousal the uterus gets pulled up and out of the way. This is why the uterus is a player in arousal and orgasm. Yeah, and we could have another show and talk about why hysterectomies are a terrible idea if you don't need to have one because you're losing part of your sexual response.
Speaker 3:I had to have one. I do miss the cervix bumping a little bit, but I'm fortunate to be able to have other ways to climax. But I didn't realize how much I was going to miss that. But I do miss that part.
Speaker 4:Well, doctors generally will tell you it's got nothing to do with pleasure and that's just wrong. They're wrong, I know they're just wrong. So, in terms of the pleasure, though, for a female bodied person, the pleasure's that whole erectile network. We've got a network of structures made out of erectile tissue and pleasure comes from getting that whole network engorged and aroused, and it's got very little to do with a penis. In fact, for most women, the easiest way to have an orgasm is not with penetration. Bingo, it's a learnable skill.
Speaker 4:If you don't currently have orgasms with penetration, you want to learn how. You can learn how. Read my book, take an online class, whatever. You can learn how to have orgasms that way, but it's not the easiest way. It's not the way most of us learn to have our orgasms.
Speaker 4:Um now, in terms of um, being a penis owner and having a fatter body, or being a vagina owner or a uterus owner whenever we are a vulva American, because some women don't have vaginas, Anyway, whatever we've got, if there's more of our body, particularly if we're partnered with somebody with a larger body, there are accommodations we can learn how to make so that we can do all kinds of fun things. Are there some things I can't do now, in this bigger body, that I could do when I was a little tiny thing. Yeah, there are things I could do that I can't do now, that's okay. There's a lot of things I could do when I was 20 that even if I had a smaller body, I wouldn't be doing now I always joke that where there's a will, there's a way.
Speaker 4:Yeah, yeah, and also, if you've got various disabilities, health issues, bad shoulder, bad knees, whatever, and particularly for many of us, especially as we get older, we're more likely to have those things. So there are ways to be creative and playful and fun, where we can figure out how to make it work. It does require being willing to communicate with a partner. Communication, yeah, and that's the key really figure out how to communicate.
Speaker 4:Um, I'm sure you've got some shows, uh, where you talked about, you know, using wedges and pillows and cushions and all kinds of fun things like that, and look at it as an opportunity to be more free in this and explore different things and positions you haven't tried before, furniture that you haven't had sex on before. So I think of it as an opportunity to figure things out, as opposed to I can't do that anymore, all right. So maybe there's some things you can't do anymore. There's some. Then there's probably some other things that you can do now that you couldn't do before. And again, pleasure is not about position A or, you know, putting the penis in the vagina. Pleasure is about learning how to play your own instrument, putting the penis in the vagina. Pleasure is about learning how to play your own instrument, learning your partner learning how to play their own instrument, learning how to jam together like musicians playing together. And how do we do that?
Speaker 3:We communicate, we practice, we play, and that's how we do it. To become a virtuoso, you must practice a lot, that's definitely right, that's absolutely true, gosh? We want to talk with you for hours and hours. I want to make sure that we respect and honor your time, so I don't want to keep you for too much longer. But, marif, is there anything super important that we missed that you think we should definitely add into this discussion? There's so much we could have her on again too sure you gotta come back like.
Speaker 2:There's just no way around that absolutely um, I'm curious like what? What would be like the one thing you want listeners to be able to step away with, knowing about the penis, or just like whether that be a tip trick, uh, information. I think hygiene was a big one, but anything else you could think of that would just be important.
Speaker 4:You know we talked about it, but I really want to encourage penis owners to explore all of their anatomy and all of their pleasure equipment. So many men are just using their hand to jerk it off, and that's great. I'm not knocking it, but there's so much more you can do and I tell this to people with vulvas also which is don't just rub your clit to get off when you're playing with yourself. Take your time, find all the different parts, play with them. Find the different ways you like to touch yourself. I really want to invite people to consider their solo sex. It's your learning laboratory. You can run experiments. It's your rehearsal hall. You can practice your skills. It's your meditation space space. It's your self-care spa.
Speaker 4:So don't just have your solo sex. Be a quickie all the time. Take some time, explore, play, try different things and honor that time, because we have so much shame. Like I started at the beginning, masturbation the root of that word, the Latin, means to pollute with your hand, and there's no better word to encapsulate the thousands of years of sex negativity that we're crawling out from. So forget the word masturbation. It's solo sex. It's sex with your own best primary partner, you, and that's the relationship that every other relationship is based on.
Speaker 3:So honor that and honor your penis and enjoy your penis and celebrate I think a lot of what I heard from you today isn't really you didn't say it in these exact words, but basically to be a lifelong learner. Right, there's never things, you're always changing and you can keep exploring and finding new things all the time. So that's kind of the gist of what I got from you today is like we always need to be learning more all the time.
Speaker 4:I think of it as in our culture. I've had people say this to me like why would I go to a sex teacher? That's stupid. Sex is natural. I don't need to go to a class or read a book. I'm like, well, music is natural, but if you want to learn how to play the piano, you probably want to take some lessons, right? So sure, there's a component of our sexual experience and our sexuality that is our animal, natural component, right? I mean, nobody has to teach tigers how to mate, right? I mean, nobody has to teach tigers how to mate. There's no tantra for tigers. But if you want to become a virtuoso, if you want to master the art of pleasure, then you do want to take lessons, just like you would if you want to learn how to play an instrument or speak another language. And you can, because we're human, and so for us, our sexuality is also learned. So very fluid, absolutely and changing. Yeah, so yes, absolutely you totally nailed that.
Speaker 3:Intimateartcentercom. The book that I own is the Woman's Anatomy of Arousal Great, great, amazing book and love all the books and the free ebook. That's so lovely, lovely. What a great offer. Is there anything else, verf, that you think we should mention? I want to make sure that our socials um, for sherry sherry, are you on the other socials or instagram and things like that?
Speaker 4:I know you're on youtube yeah, well, you know, I, my, my health has not been great for a bunch of years, so I kind of let that all slide for a while. But but now I'm kind of re, re upping that. So we just moved to a sub stack, so we're just kind of moving things over there and kind of revitalizing. You know, I used to have a lot of stuff on Facebook and Twitter and now I just I can't, I can't even stand, I can't even go to X at this point God, no, your YouTube channel here and stand, I can't even go to x at this point.
Speaker 4:oh god. No, your youtube channel is great, though, thank you, you know. So, at this point, that I'm kind of reviving all of that. Um, I do have went to recorded online classes and courses on my website, which is an inexpensive way to not just get me talking but to get the images the anatomy images, those but you know slides where I go from this to this to this. You can see the layers and could see how things change, because I illustrated my own presentations.
Speaker 4:So if you want to dive deeper into any of this stuff, there's a lot of opportunity there, and I do do one-on-one counseling, consulting, coaching, whatever you want to call it. So people are welcome, and it's for singles, it's for partners, it's for throuples I don't care what you are, what you do or who you do it with, but if there's stuff that you want to learn. So this is not therapy. We're not going to talk about your relationship with your mother. This is like a private class or a series of classes to specifically work on whatever you want to get better at. So I do see some people who have problems or issues, but I also see people who are having perfectly great sex, but they want to have mind-blowing sex. So that's awesome. Adoption. I think that's it. That's fantastic.
Speaker 2:Well, Sherry, I don't have any other questions for you other than the question we always ask at the end of our podcast, and that is what is your favorite sex toy or sexual aid?
Speaker 4:I'm so old fashioned. I go back to my Hitachi magic wand. It was first of all. I didn't even own a sex toy until I was like 30. Right, because I'm 65. So there was no online anything. You had to go to a, a physical store. Most of them were sleazy, creepy places. And so I finally, you know, went to one of the earliest women-run sex shops in new york city way back when, um, and the first time I went I was like I couldn't even touch anything. And I went back again and I got a Hitachi Magic Wand. That was my first sex toy and I go back to it all the time. I love the Wii vibe. I have lots of other toys that are fun, but there's something about that powerful robbie kind of low vibration that just works for me. It always has. And while we're at it, the handheld shower massager. Like I said, that was. That's really my first extra. I guess you would say right, because water is almost always water.
Speaker 3:When I talk to women, it's like some kind of water is their first sexual experience with their clitoris and their orgasm.
Speaker 4:Yeah, yeah. So yeah, I'm going to. I know it's awesome.
Speaker 2:Thank you, Thank you, thank you and honestly, ashley, I think we should go back on every interview we've ever had and find out how many people have picked the Hitachi Magic Wand and then go to them and say, hey, we talk about this a lot on our show. Why don't you sponsor us so that we can give everybody one of those new waterproof ones that they're coming out with, and that way it's like a nice little to-do gift at the end of the episode.
Speaker 3:It would be great. And Murph, they're in the Bay Area. They've been in Wayne County, Wanker Tree.
Speaker 2:Oh, then we definitely need to hit them up, because I tell you, sherry, I'd probably say 8 out of 10 is my guess. Yeah, it's a lot. And we just went to the Altitude Sex Show and they had the new waterproof or the one that's submergible, and it has it here's just pricked up, uh-huh, and it has an even bigger motor. So they are touting it as, like this, one's going to be the one to change the game well, I'll just also throw in the we vibe.
Speaker 4:you know that one. I love that. So because, um, any kind of vibrator, um, any anything goes inside. Unless I hold on to it, it's just going to get squeezed right out and the WeVibe, you can put it in, it will stay in. So that's a nice little feature and you can do lots of fun things with it, including wrapping it around the base of the penis. Yep, and while we're at it, I just encourage men to explore sex toys. If nothing else, a simple cock ring is a fantastic toy, and if your erections are a little less ever ready than they used to be, a cock ring is a really great addition. So if nothing else, there's vibrating cock rings and prostate toys. So I would love to encourage people with penises to explore sex toys too.
Speaker 2:That's awesome.
Speaker 3:I'm going to wrap this up. Thank you everybody for everybody listening. Please subscribe to our podcast. Share it like crazy if you can, but subscribing is super duper important. Subscribe to Sherry's YouTube channel and check out her books and get her free e-book on IntimateArtsCentercom. We are at BigSexyChatcom. Thank you everybody. Have a great night. I'll say see you later. Alligator, after a while, crocodile, juicy blessings.
